Page 19 of Ashfall
“Jealous? No, Noc. I'm not jealous of her. I sympathize with her, actually.” I manage to keep my voice steady, and cold -despite the inferno brewing inside me. “If she loves you even half as much as I did, I know how her story is about to go.” I tighten the grip on the gun. “But, I'll do her a favor. I'll make sure you stay dead. So she never has to risk seeing your ghost in the future.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
nyx
Noc’s head snaps to the side, eyes burning into the wall. His lashes flutter briefly before dropping his glare to the ground. He slowly turns to face me, and his expression is unreadable. My arms threaten to give out, feeling as weak as my heart at the utterlydevastatingsight before me. He's dressed casually for the weekend. A white designer t-shirt stretched tight across his chest, dark ripped jeans and beige suede combat boots that ground his stance. His hair is still the same before - that messy'just fucked'look. It all adds to the menacing look of his inked skin. I have no doubt if I didn't interrupt his evening, he would’ve fulfilled the aesthetic. Then, I catch it. The shadowed bruise that darkens his under eye - courtesy of my right hook. It makes me smile, my second genuine one of the night, I feel blessed. His stance is wide, he’s utterly unruffled. One hand tucked in his pocket while his cigarette in the other burns an ember bulb in the dim light.
He's sculpted like Eros in shadow against the lights piercing through the darkened windows, providing his backdrop. He’s staring right at me, aware of his gaze rolling right over me. At this moment, I give in to the impulse I'm fighting. It’s draining me, and I'm not about to be a coward during this. My eyes aredrawn up like magnets as they fix to his, his features softening upon our contact. And I realize I've just admitted I loved him. Something I never told him, never got the chance to. I had to live with that regret for four years, now I need to live with the regret that I ever loved him at all.
“There’s a reason I did what I did, Brodie.” My gun lowers as a sharp laugh escapes me. There it is. Exactly what I needed. The time bomb is on its final countdown now, emotions primed to detonate. I move around the couch, stepping closer to him, daring to close the distance between us. “Oh, you had a reason?” My tone bites, laced with challenge, I’ll play along with this. “Entertain me Noc. What was it? Tell me.” He doesn’t answer. He just watches me. Jaw grinding, cigarette forgotten in his hand - its ash crumbling, disappearing into the floor.
I huff out a laugh at his silence, I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. “Come on Noc, you've certainly never been shy around me before?” I grit my teeth to grind through the anger. “Fucking tell me. Tell me why you decided to betray your country. The very soldiers you fought with, who mourned you as a friend. How you sleep at night knowing you’re responsible for all those innocent lives lost due to your own game of vengeance.”
His brows dip, lips parting as he goes to speak, but I don’t give him the chance. “Why did you betray me? Leading me along with your sick game. Was I next on the list after my mother?'' He flinches, the cigarette now falling to the ground. I’m so close to him that his familiar scent assaults my nostrils, wrapping around my heart. But I’m so far down this path that not even the nostalgia can bring me back. “What did you fucking say?” he demands, his voice low and controlled, but his tone has an icy bite.
“Oh, I know what you did, Nocturne.” I throw back his full codename, just so he knows I mean every word. “The important parts, that is. I bet every time you had your hand around myneck fucking me, you were laughing in that sick head of yours. Fucking the daughter of the General you killed with the very same pair of hands.” Something in him snaps, and I stupidly get too close that he disarms me in the blink of an eye. My brain isn’t able to process the velocity of his movements, and I’m shoved by a power arm over the arm of the sofa, back thumping onto the stiff material. He presses his weight on top of me, pinning both my arms as his knees dig into my biceps.
I go wild, bucking and wriggling lower so I can wrap my legs around his throat and break the hold. But he's too damn strong, his feet are pushing my thighs apart and stopping me getting out. The scream that bursts from my throat is nothing but raw frustration. For what he's doing to me, what he's done to me. Angry tears rim my eyes as I stare up at a man I used to think was the whole world, even cloaked in darkness, I thought I could pull the light out from within him. How stupid was I, he took the light right out of me instead.
His eyes are wide, enraptured in fury, the storm that’s always cautiously brewing in them now a raging hurricane. I grip his forearm and try and pry it off, the moment our touch connects, a bolt of electricity courses through my fingertips - his forearm trembling beneath my hold. His hand locks around my neck, his thumb and finger pressing tightly into my jaw as I twist my head out of his grip, but he keeps me in place to face him. “Who told you that, Brodie?” My laugh is nothing short of satanic, it raises the hairs on my own neck as I lock my eyes with his.
“Does it matter the source? You did it.” His eyes narrow on me, his grip tightening.
“It means everything.”
I scoff. “The only good thing about knowing you're alive is that I got the wake up call I needed. You're nothing but a piece of shit, and I'm glad it's me who gets to put the bullet in your head.” His brows furrow and his grip on me loosens slightly, but I takethe opportunity to push my legs up and twist, getting his throat in-between the back of my knee. I yank him from the couch, resulting in him hitting his head off the table. It buys me time to grab my gun from the floor as I straddle back onto him, gun trained between his eyes.
“You don't know anything, Brodie. You’ve been fed lies.” He’s clearly missed playing his game with me and wants to give it one more go.
“Fuck you, I’m done with your bullshit. I'll sleep better knowing I did this for her.” Just as my finger trembles towards the trigger, my eyes are drawn up to the threshold. The blonde, who I now know as Natalia, barges in and fires a single shot at me. The bullet misses a fatal mark, grazing my arm instead. A wicked smile forms on my face at her pathetic attempt. My gun raises in a whisper of a moment, firing one in her right shoulder, the force causing her to drop the gun and scream out as she clutches her body, blood spilling over her fingers.
I surge to my feet off of Noc, who doesn't move an inch as I keep the gun trained at him. Throwing myself over the couch with ease, I move to pick up her gun. My hands work quickly as I empty the chamber with one swift movement, then dismantle it and throw it across the room.
She lunges for me, and I don’t step a foot out of place when I pistol whip her. She collapses beside me in a heap. Static bursts through my earpiece, “Nyx. What the fuck is going on up there, you need to get out. Now. Volokov’s on his way.”Shit. The window cracked from Natalia’s bullet, but the glass is obviously bulletproof as it hasn’t completely shattered. But it's still noticeable.
I press my ear. “I’m on my way.” I lunge forward but then stop dead in my tracks, Noc is now on his feet and prowling towards me, looking extremely pissed. I steel myself when I look at him, even if it's just long enough to get these words out. “Thisisn’t over. I'll be seeing you soon, asshole.” His laugh carries past me as I pace back up to a run, but his words pull me to a stop as I look back at him. “Sooner rather than later, Malyshka. Make sure to bring the gun.” He winks.
A lust-filled rage threatens to take over me, and I slap my hand against the fire exit as I hurl myself outside, the door slamming against the metal fence with a jarring crash that rattles the stairwell. I’m charging down the steps as the cold air cools my searing cheeks, scanning for a safe enough height to leap over and vanish into the side street. My fingers graze the smoke bomb at my belt, and I rip it free on a split decision, pulling the pin before launching it behind me. The explosion rips through the night, a deafening bang followed by startled screams. Thick fog unfurls, swallowing the chaos in its grasp, and shielding my escape.
“Blitz, I’m on my way to you.” My boots hammer against the pavement, their echo ricocheting off brick walls and parting puddles like the red sea. “Moving the cruiser into the street, ready to go.” I don’t think I’ve ever run this fast in my damn life. Adrenaline surges through me, driving my speed past its limits. I round the corner into the alley just as Blitz reverses the car toward me, one hand reaching to shove the passenger door open for me. I barely have time to skim down the side before throwing myself inside - she slams the gas, and we’re gone. Nothing but the fumes drawing from the exhaust leaving a receipt we were ever there.
''Did you—” her arm reaches out to grip mine. “Fuck Nyx, you’re bleeding.” Her eyes swing between the road and my torn shirt, tires screaming with every sharp turn toward the highway. “No, the blonde got me. Thought she'd be out cold longer.” I wrestled to get my breathing under control with deep inhales. “I returned the favor, showed her how to actually mark someone.She'll be pissed when she wakes up and needs to call her plastic surgeon.”
Blitz cackles like a wicked gremlin, sticking out a hand for a high five. “If she hadn’t woken up… would you have?” I try to focus on her question, but the ache in my heart is burning hot. I turn to her, frowning.
“What do you mean? That’s the reason we’re here, isn’t it? Even if I did hear him out, he deserved to die.”
She’s quiet as we connect on to the highway, the city lights fading behind us as the night settles a dark blanked over us. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Nyx. But I don’t think you have it in you.” I snap my head to her, brows deeper this time, but she goes on, raising a surrendering hand between us. “You might have thought you did. But as soon as your finger rested against the trigger, I don't think you'd pull it.”
My teeth grind, mind going back to the precise momentbefore getting shot.I did hesitate.But denial seems to be my most readily available emotion recently. “Yes. I would have. After everything he's done, he deserves it.”
“I don't disagree with that, but that’s not you, Nyx. I know you’re a cold-blooded killer; we've all been crafted into one. But this? You care about those closest to you, even us as your unit. You might think you don’t show it, but you do. You're always getting the information first, you need to know everything. Hell, I think Graves could strangle you sometimes when you pipe up asking about all those involved in the enemy lines, just so you're fully aware of the situations we're going into.” She takes a deep breath, and I hang onto her inhale at her admission of my profiling, feeling uneasy at being so easily read. “You wouldn't have been able to live with the what ifs once your finger came off the trigger.”
I sink into my seat, turning her words over in my mind. I do care about my unit. We’re more than a team; we’re family.And I’ve always needed to know the truth before making a move. My mother taught me that - always understand the risks, always minimize unnecessary casualties, and never take an innocent life unless survival demands it. It’s how she rose to become the General - she was solid in tactical thinking. “This is different, Blitz. He betrayed me, he killed my own flesh and blood. She was our General, for Christ’s sake. He killed her to cover his tracks, to avoid anyone derailing his plans. This is personal. I don’t need anything else other than that.” My words come out as a conviction, but the way my hands tremble, would give away my heart's incredulity.
Silence stretches between us for the rest of the ride back to base, Blitz’s words circling like a storm in my head. The cruiser pushes past 120 mph, the highway an endless ribbon of darkness. Doubt seeps into my bones, and I fight to brace against it. If Graves has evidence of Noc’s wrongdoings, then I shouldn’t need anything more. I never ask for physical proof during missions, so why would I need it for this? A small part of me wants to, but the other knows that would be the final blow. And for some reason, a darker fraction of me wants to feed into where my hesitation is owning me. Instead, I shut my eyes, willing my mind to drift anywhere else. But grief is unforgiving, and no matter how hard I try, it refuses to let me go.
We pull into the base, Blitz creeping the cruiser along the road before easing it back into its spot. My heart trips over a beat. Adam stands in the garage, arms crossed and looking like hell itself spat him out. I groan as I step out, and he’s already storming towards me. His hands grip me by the shoulders as he shakes me hard. “What the hell were you thinking, Nyx? You could have been killed! I should’ve known you were up to something earlier - I saw it in your eyes. I stupidly gave you the benefit of the doubt. I thought, y'know, she's not that stupid. She's definitely not that stupid. But you are! I almost rode outthere with Phantom when Blitz messaged.” I swing my body towards Blitz, cutting him off before he can hurl more scoldings at me.
