Page 117 of Distortion
‘I miss her,’ he says very quietly after a moment.
‘I do, too.’ I glance back at him. ‘But it’s different for me. She hadn’t been a part of my life for so long ... I think I’m more upset by what was stolen from us.’ I close my eyes. ‘Was she ... Was she happy?’
He sighs. ‘I don’t know. I think so. She had her interests. She was always there for me when I needed her. She was ...’
‘Go on,’ I murmur, almost knowing what he’s going to say.
‘She was my mom.’
He resumes the brushing, but I shy away, now. Things have shifted and I’m no longer in the right mindset for this.
‘I think it’s tangle-free,’ I say, trying not to sound as furious as I suddenly feel.
I’m not angry with Shade, not really I don’t think, but he and Andy had her when I didn’t. She was taken from me, but not from them and it isn’t fair.
‘I’d like to be alone for a bit now.’
‘Okay. I get it.’
He leaves my room and I make sure the door is closed before I slowly go back to the desk and sink down.
Sadness and anger course through me.
I stare at nothing, thinking, rolling things around andaround in my head. There was a time when I thought The Heath was good for me. It was hard sometimes, but they were teaching me to be like everyone else. They were showing me all the things that normal people could do that I needed to make sure I knew, so that I could be like them.
Obviously I knew part of it was so that I wouldn’t embarrass the Novelles anymore with my behavior. Plus after what I did to Mike, I always thought that I was taken to The Heath as my punishment so that I didn’t go to jail or juvie and make things even worse for John. I figured he made a deal. He had the money to make things go his way and he was never shy about using it as far as I could see. I suppose they didn’t want me hurting anyone else either.
But the more time I’m spending out here, the more I’m realizing that there were a lot of rules at The Heath that don’t make sense out here. Why do I have to sit up straight with my hands in my lap and my ankles crossed? I haven’t seen even one person do that since I got out. Why was I always told to be so overly polite when no one seems to speak that way? Why did I have to get up at a certain time? Go to sleep at a certain time? Wasn’t allowed to yell or even talk at some times of the day? Have only certain kinds of foods, not be allowed to watch movies or TV? Why was I given consequences and punishments for not adhering to these rules that are, it’s becoming clear to me, largely inconsequential outside of The Heath?
I don’t understand. What was the point?
I look at the clock and see that it’s past midnight. I’ve been sitting here for a good couple of hours. I get rid of the towels and get into bed, closing my eyes and willing myself to sleep.
Today has been quite eventful and I’m actually pretty tired. But sleep doesn’t come. I’m feeling very uncomfortable physically. My knees, hands, and chest ache where I wasattacked. And my neck is very tense which usually means I’m due a migraine.
I get out of bed and pad to the closet where I stashed my bag. The pills are in a blister pack in the zipped back on the side. There are two left. I’m glad I saved them.
I snap them out of the plastic and take them with some water from the glass by my bed left from the other night. It’s stale and gross, but it does the job.
I suppose I’ll have to go see a doctor to get some more since they’re on prescription, and that was in the UK. Over the counter paid medicines don’t usually touch my headaches, so I make a mental note to go over to the medical center next week. Even though I should probably write it down so I don’t forget, I choose sleep.
In the morning,my head is thankfully clear. I sit up and see something on the desk that wasn’t there the night before. Someone’s been in my room and I didn’t even hear them.
Heart pounding hard as I approach, I see it’s a laptop with a sticky note on top.
It’s yours. It’s newer than that one you found. Use it, take it to class, etc. The password is ‘beautiful’.
- Blake
Blake.Perhaps it’s weird that he just came in while I was sleeping, but I find that I don’t mind as I open the laptop and put in the password. He’s made me my own profile. I look up the specs and see that it’s only about a year old, and I hope that he hasn’t given me something he needs. He probably doesn’t have much money.
I sit down at my desk and change the password to a random formula I know I’ll remember because ‘beautiful’ is not very secure. Then, I make sure it’s connected to the WIFI and check my campus emails. There’s a message from Applegate’s secretary about my change of majors, and a coupledetailing some more forced fun that’ll be happening over the next couple of weeks, including some Halloween stuff, which I’m excited about. England didn’t seem to be too into Halloween, at least no one was at The Heath, so I haven’t carved pumpkins or eaten caramel apples in forever.
The last email doesn’t have a subject and it’s not from an address I recognize.
I move the cursor over it so I can see the body of it without opening it. I don’t want to put a virus on the computer Blake so kindly leantme.
Do you think you can ignore me, bitch? Maybe less time getting eaten-out by those assholes and more time using your brain. I thought you had one, but maybe not. Time’s almost up, Marguerite. Better make some headway this week.
