Page 144 of Degradation
I stayed in her bed all night. All she wanted to do was sleep, which was fine with me, though I was sure I wouldn’t get any shut-eye, but I was wrong. I slept like a fucking baby next to her, and even though my brain is telling me that Daisy isn’t ready for the truth about what we get up to, and that we need to be very fucking careful, a part of me is more than a little relieved that we potentially have a working formula for Envy now.
Daisy figured it out. She’s brilliant. Even if she is hanging it over our heads. If I'm honest with myself, I can’t blame her. I see how she's treated as soon as anyone realizes she's different, and I know how much of that is my father’s fault. He's put that albatross around her neck for everyone with any power over her to see. He wants them to see it. I just don’t understand why. This is more than his usual games. Getting Marcus to mess with her behind our backs, the way he set her up here to fail. There’s something else going on.
The footprint on that report niggles at me. Could Daisy be right? Was my father there that night? Why lie about it if he’s not involved? Did he kill April?
Blake mentioned to me last night that he thinks John is planning something, and I agree. Dinner at his house... That's not for shits and gigs, and it’s no dress rehearsal for the Christmas Gala in a couple weeks either. But while I’m there, I could take a look at the shoes in his closet and see if I can find the ones Daisy was talking about.
I put my face in my hands and rub my eyes. Nothing with my dad is ever as it seems, and there's always a bigger picture. The fact that he wanted me to bring Daisy says that she's a part of it. Is he trying for an excuse to send her back to the clinic? Would he even need one? Despite the fact that we need her to make Envy for us, at least for now, would it be a bad thing for her to be away from here before she’s in any deeper? Before she realizes what we are?
I don'twanther to go. Over the past few weeks, she's burrowed her way back into my heart, a heart that I thought was closed, especially to her. But she’s always had that power over me.
I go into my closet, and I get the dress out for her. It's dark green crushed velvet. Long and fitted. I bought it especially for tonight, half because I know my dad will expect it, and half because I know she'll look fucking amazing in it. The shoes are light gold, and I wonder if she has any jewelry she can wear that will match. I didn’t think to get her anything. I should have.
I take it out of my closet, still wrapped in plastic, and I go across the hallway to her room. I heard her leave this morning. I'm guessing she's gone to the lab since it’s where she usually is when she isn’t working. I think she likes it in there. It’s quiet and everything’s always the same.
I wonder if I should look at the cameras in the lab and see if she tries making a prototype of Envy. If she does, we won't need her anymore. We could beat her at her own game a little bit, put her in her place.
I wince at my thoughts. That's my father talking. I don't want Daisy put in her place. I just wish I could trust her. The truth is, I was kind of proud yesterday when she stood up to us, when she threatened us with John Novelle. She's come a long way from the meek girl who was at April’s funeral. It's only been two months, and yet she's grown so much. She knows what she wants, and I understand it, but I didn't want her anywhere near all this shit, especially with Sauvage.
He's dangerous and unpredictable, and she's going to see sides to us she didn't know existed. She's going to see a side to Richmond she didn't know existed.
What I do need to find out, though, is what exactly she wants. Half of the money, or her fair share, and if it’s the latter, what does she consider her fair share? She came up with the formula, but Mav would have been able to, given more time. At least, I think he could have. But then, that’s a moot point. We’re out of time and without her the nooses would be tightening. That counts for a lot. It counts for a stake in Envy.
I drape the dress over her chair and leave quickly. I need to make sure that my stuff is ready too, that my shoes are polished, and my suit is pressed. Nothing but perfection for dear old dad’s sharp eyes.
I take a shower and get ready for the day. Mav and Blake aren't around, but I hear dull thuds coming from the other side of the house, so I'm guessing Mav is working out his frustrations in the gym.
As for Blake, well, I heard his phone go late last night, and he left soon after, so I'm guessing he was called to clean up a mess.
My suspicions are confirmed when on the way out of the house, he's returning looking tired and dirty. I don't ask, and he doesn't tell. We pass each other, and I give him a commiserating look, which he ignores.
I leave the house, and I go to the lab to find Daisy. She’s working, just as I thought, and when she doesn't notice me at first, I take some time to watch her. I’m not trying to glean any secrets. I'm just...thinking.
I remember that day after they found Larson vividly. The blankness in her eyes, the way the cops took her away. My father wasn’t angry. For once, he seemed subdued, as if he’d known she’d crack and end up in jail or juvie. April, though, was beside herself with worry and kept trying to say she couldn’t have done it. But my father made her see that Daisy was broken, that she needed to go somewhere they could help her. I hated that after my dad’s argument April agreed with him, but I understood. My best friend had killed someone. She couldn’t stay.
When she does notice me, she stiffens, her eyes moving around quickly. She's uncomfortable, and a part of me is glad she is because of the shit she pulled yesterday. She deserves it just a little and I wasn’t joking before. I’m going to punish her for it, and I’ll enjoy it.
‘The answer is yes,’ I say without preamble.
‘Yes?’ she asks, eyes widening. ‘And the others agree, too?’
I nod.
‘Don’t act surprised,’ I get close to her, and I touch her face.
‘You knew it would be yes,’ I whisper so that nothing can be picked up on the cameras. ‘We can't have John knowing a thing.’
She nods. ‘And I can't have him knowing a thing about what I'm doing, either. So, it looks like we're in the same boat. We keep each other's confidences.’
‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘but no more secrets, huh? We’ll tell you ours, and you tell us yours. Things will be getting more dangerous now. We need to work together. On Envy and finding out what happened to April.’
‘I agree.’
She holds out her hand, pinky out, and I can't help my small chuckle.
‘A pinky promise?’
She looks up at me, innocently serious. ‘They're the most serious kind, aren't they?’
