Page 5 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
I'm trying really hard not to think about my severe lack of knowledge regarding how I got here. There are plenty of things to focus my terror on, so I'm ignoring that part.
I have no idea how long I've been out or where I am, but it's not looking good. Moonlight shines through the wooden boards of this place. There's a slight breeze through the structure that freezes me. Soft calls of owls and scuffling on the other side of the door tell me I'm no longer in downtown Chicago.
Lying here in a daze, attempting to put the pieces together of where I am and what happened, is exhausting.My fingers are just as numb as my brain is. Time doesn't exist here. I feel like I blinked my eyes open for the first time a few minutes ago, but maybe it's been longer.
My anxiety and terror are begging me to stand up and try to escape, but my head is fucking pounding. I've already recalled what happened before I passed out, so I'd bet the itchiness on my forehead is due to crusted blood. The pain in my face makes me worry about my jaw. I think I was punched before I fell.
I've read enough kidnapping books to know there's no way I'm getting out of here right now. I can barely keep my eyes open, and it feels like the world is rocking back and forth. Definitely concussed. Feels a little like being hungover.
And hungry. I should have eaten before the movie, but I was leaving space for popcorn and Dots. My tummy was prepared to feel sick tonight, not starving.
There's something else I'm trying to ignore, too. I have to pee. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try not to think about my full bladder. Instead, tears slip between my eyelids.
I'm scared.
When I closed my eyes after hitting my head, I was content with leaving this life. Fuck, I was happy being the martyr. Then I woke up, and while I initially thought I was in the afterlife, awareness stole my security—I felt everything.
"One...two..." I whisper, trying to find some semblance of calm. "Three..." My knees throb where they're curled up to my chest.
"F-four." Teeth chattering, I actually hope I can cry some more just for the sweet relief of warmth on my cheeks. I don't even care if they turn to icicles within seconds; I just needsomething. Some kind of heat and hope.
Had I hit my head hard enough, I could have escaped these horrible feelings. I'm not talking just about the physical discomfort and pain. I mean the emotional torment of the situation.
It's cramped, dirty, and completely devoid of color.
Exactly like living with Aunt Linda.
Gravity weighs my eyelids down. The allure of sleep is too sweet to pass up.
I don't want to be here. Especially when I can't see or think straight. There's a jumbled, sad, anxious mess inside my head. Whatever effort I can give right now, it won't be enough to save me.
Just like when I was younger.
"A worthless piece of garbage! That's what you are!"
"I—" How do I tell my aunt that I don't know how to tie my shoes? "Mom didn't finish teaching me..."
"My mooomm," Auntie says in a weird voice. Tears blur my vision, which happens every time I've asked her to teach me how to tie my laces.
"All the other kids?—"
"Ugh!" Auntie's hands fly into the air by herhead, and I flinch. "You're ten, Erica. Figure it out yourself!" She throws her silver can on the ground and leaves the small living room.
My lip wobbles, so I bite it to make it stop. Auntie doesn't like it when I cry, so I do it when I go to bed.
I don't want to be like garbage, so I bend and grab the can. Auntie hasn't gotten any garbage bags this week, so I'll have to sneak this into the neighbor's can outside.
With the slimy silver cup in my hand, which I didn't know was shaking until just now, I take a step toward the trailer door. Except, I forgot the reason I was standing in front of the couch to begin with.
My foot only moves an inch, but my body keeps going. With my shoelaces under one foot, my belly swoops and I scream as I fall. My hip and hand catch me, and while I didn't break anything around me, I was loud?—
"Keep it down!"
I can't hold back the tears now, not when I hurt myself too. Please don't let Auntie see.
Four
ROMAN
