Page 16 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
Deciding to be selfless in order to care for this young girl in my home was easy. Learning how to manage the impacts of it, though, is a lot harder. I never thought I could hurt so much because of a love so deep.
"I'll protect you," I promise.Until my dying breath.
Bang!
Jolting awake from another bad dream, I'm horrified to find myself sweaty and dizzy. The sweat coating my chilled skin is new. Am I ill?
I raised a little girl, and I know all the signs of sickness. I just don't know how bad this could get. Violet always had fluids, blankets, showers, food; I have none of the above.
My heart pitter-patters with anxiety and—BANG!
"Ah!" I croak, my throat protesting the startled sound. Coughing, I drag myself away from the wooden door that rattles.Bang, bang, bang!
What the hell?!
With my heart in my throat, I wait for some kind of rabid beast to bust the wall down and eat me. Except,the opposite happens. Everything stops, silence descends and coats my clammy skin in unease.
Trembling with fear, I climb to my feet and fight my body to stop swaying. I can't ignore what just happened. No matter how much I would rather curl into a ball, I need to figure out what the hell is going on. There's no way I can convince myself I just hallucinated some feral attempt at breaking the shed down.
"Is—"Cough."Is someone th-there?"
Nothing. Conflicted, I don't know whether to feel relieved that nobody came in here and tried to kill me, but what if it was someone who could have helped me?
"Please, help me!" My voice is so strained, but it's the loudest I can be. Knees trembling, I walk toward the door. Just as I'm about to place my hand on it to give it an experimental nudge, it begins to rattle ever so slightly.
Gasping, I jump back with my hand pressed to my chest. My right leg gives out, sending me careening to the side and onto my ass cheek. I hiss as splinters dig into my poor, dirty hands.
My eyes sting with fresh, frustrated tears.What the hell is happening?"Who's there?!"
Thud. Thud!"Little bitch."
The sweat on my skin turns to fucking ice. I won't ever forget the memory of Linda's old boyfriend shoving against my bedroom door, calling me all the horrible names under the moon.
THUD!
As if I'm a bony seventeen-year-old all over again, Ihold my breath and cover my mouth with trembling hands. It can't be. This is all just a horrible nightmare.
"Oh kitty..."Thud."Everyone lets Clarence in at some point."
Clarence.Word for word, the man who dislocated my shoulder when I was a teenager, who snuck into my room at night until I learned to barricade my door, taunts me the same way he did eleven years ago.
His nasty, throaty chuckle makes me ill. "Sweet dreams,kitty."
Vomit comes hot and heavy over my tongue, then spews out of my mouth. The warmth puddling around my knees makes me sick all over again. This time, nothing but bile and gut-wrenching sobs spill from my lips.
"Felix..." I croak once I have my sobbing under control. My nails scratch at the slimy wood beneath me as I try to drag myself away from my mess. "Felix!"
I need him just like I did the last time.The first time.
Can't help you, he texted last time.
What the fuck, Felix?! He pushed me, and I swear my door rattles at night. What if he gets in?!Admitting what was going on was scary, but what made it even worse was that my message went unopened.
I was alone. Felix could have protected me, could have saved me. But he didn't care.
Pondering whether he cares now hurts my head because I think he does, but my feelings are out to hurt me before he can.Do they care? Will they save me this time?
Twelve
