Page 39 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
More broken sentences and shit I don't care about. I'd rather fucking fade into my mind and leave my body right here beside hers where I belong.
In life or death...I am Blue's.
"Sir, move."
That sentence made it through the barrier, making me realize I'm trying to dissociate. Peeling my eyes open is hard because I'd rather not face the terrifying next steps that I know are coming.
And Idoknow. The feral beast inside of me curled into a whimpering ball of stress once I was able to put my hands on Blue. Her heartbeat in my ear sent me right into a depressive oblivion where avoidance was a reward.
But I don't matter. Nothing does except Blue.
"We need to get her to the hospital. Now. SIR!" A firmer yank on my shoulder jostles me a little more.
"Roman," my little brother scolds. Just the realization that I'm registering who's who now snaps me out of it.
"Shit," I croak, rapidly sitting up. Immediately missing the sound of her heartbeat, I blink my tears away.
Hands...So many hands reach for Blue, making me sit up straighter, but I'm stopped by a set of familiar arms. "It's okay. They're hel-helping her."
"Declan, she—" My voice doesn't sound like my own, but being struck by the image of your loved one being lifted onto a stretcher is a real-life nightmare.
"She will be okay," my little brother says, tone wavering with worry.
Felix appears in front of me, blocking the view of Blue being carted away. I glance away from him and notice Jared in a similar position with Levi. Tears track down Jared's face as he continuously tries to run after Blue.
Felix puts his hands up as if showing me he's not a threat. I would be confused, but this entire thing has brought out some awful, uncharacteristic behavior from all of us.Did I just lie down on Blue and wait for death to take me?
"Time to get your shit together, Roman," Felix snaps me out of my thoughts. What he said is at odds with his gentle tone. "We need to follow them to the nearest hospital. You have fifteen minutes in the back seat ofthe car to rein yourself back in. I know it sounds like zoning out is easier, but Blue needs us alive, too."
I frown, and Declan hugs me tighter. "Don't slip away again. Not like last time."
Like last time...when we found out our parents had manipulated us and I slipped into a depression so severe that I became a shell of myself. This is different. A man was shot in the face right in front of me. I watched the love of my life get strangled. And she was missing fordays.
"I know it's different this time," Felix adds, reading my mind. "But it's also different because our woman is right over there, needing us to be strong for her. We're here for you, but you need tostay,Rome. Please?"
I swallow a few times, trying to shake the lump in my throat free. A snowflake dances between us, and as easy as it would be to zone out on the dainty thing, I blink.
"I'm here," I declare, standing straight. I hadn't even realized I was partially bent over like I was about to pass out. Reaching for Felix with a hand I didn't know was shaking, I feel relief when his touch grounds me to the here and now. Just like Blue's heart did. Just like the strength of my brother holding me up from behind.
Jared runs over to us, kicking up mud and slipping. He rights himself, looking annoyed and incredibly rattled. "Thank fuck, 'cause I need you, man. Tell Levi to fuck off and let's go. I need to see Bee."
Humor fizzles in my veins, chasing away some of the shock. Unfortunately, that allows space for more feeling and more emotions means more anxiety.
"She will be okay," Felix murmurs.
Jared nods. "She has to be."
Twenty-Nine
BLUE
It's scary how drastically an attitude can change. Such a short time ago, I wished for death to take me while I was unconscious. My anger was real each time I opened my eyes.
Living seemed hard. There was so much unknown, and most of it was terrifying. Not to mention, so many other things matter in life. More so than I do.
I truly thought for a while there that giving up would be better for everyone. That way, they could focus their efforts on moving on and growing.
Was I wrong? I'm not sure, and I fear I'll never find out.
