Page 61 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
"It's been eight," I say gently, so as not to piss him off by stating the obvious, but I think it's an importantthing to note. "You ready to move on from that and talk about feelings?"
I'm not teasing him, and he knows it. There is an underlying challenge there that I'm hoping helps him shift gears, though.
He takes a moment to think and settle himself. "Yeah, I am."
"Good." I clap a hand on his shoulder. "Tomorrow then."
I really hope we're actually ready for this.
Forty-Three
BLUE
“AHHH!" Fire burns my throat, stealing my breath and making it hard for my heart to settle. Sitting up so rapidly makes all my fading aches flare too.
This is the third time I've woken up tonight. I have no idea what's worse, a zombie eating my intestines, or a demon jumping out of my bathroom mirror while I'm getting a drink of water. Don't even get me started on the fuckery of the other one.
Sniffling, I rub my eyes and tuck the comforter closer to me.What I wouldn't give for someone to hold me. To take care of me for once.I've never had that. The girl who had to grow up too soon begs for me to call the guys,myguys, but the woman who raised a young girl, made shit work on her own, and survived by herself is annoyed that I would want them right now.
Violet can only cuddle me so much. At some point, her arms are too pointy, and she prefers her bed, so shenever stays long.
I've never had the comfort of a man I trust wrapping his arms around me in the middle of the night. Most of my nightmares go ignored as I force myself to ignore eerie shadows in my room.
These days it's harder to ignore my overactive imagination. I want...I want Roman to hold me. I can imagine it. Jared would keep Felix calm while they searched all the dark corners. Declan would sit next to me, murmuring silly comments about how he bets Jared is driving Felix crazy. Then maybe, once the apartment is cleared, they would all find a way to fit in my bed and keep me safe. Even from my own mind.
Leaning against my headboard, I take a sip of my water. The clock on my nightstand tells me the sun will probably be up in the next two hours. There's no reason for me to go back to bed.
Fuck knows I don't have anything going on today. Kevin forced me to take at least four weeks off. He's delusional, but we all lie to our friends, right?Yes, Kev. I hear you, Kev. I agree, Kev.
Ha.
Christ, I need to figure out how to get more sleep lest I actually lose my mind. I'm pretty sure a chunk of my brain runs away screaming after my truly messed up nightmares.
Laughing quietly, I imagine cartoon hunks of my brain running with flappy arms in the air. Their screams would be high-pitched, too. "Jeez," I huff, trying to get a little control of myself.
I know any second now, Violet is going to come inand ask me if I'm okay. The answer I've been giving her is vague because it feels complicated.Ifeel complicated.
Yes, I'm fine. Physically, I feel like I'm healing great, although Felix still has plenty of concerns. Mentally, I'm mostly stable. Sure, I zone out, and crying alone in bed has become a thing I do. I've never been much of a crier, but it seems as though the floodgates have opened.
I have no clue how to evaluate my emotional state. Everything that occurred seemed so fast but also like the longest three days of my life.
Had I known Violet was being harassed or stalked for more than five minutes before getting kidnapped, I could wrap my head around it better. I barely had time to accept the fact that there was even a fucking problem before I got punched in the face.
Christ.
I didn't know there was a safety concern. Would I have done anything differently? I'd like to think so. The guys would have known for sure because the more people keeping Violet safe, the better. I doubt they would have allowed me to walk inside by myself.
"Ma?"
Shit, I didn't hear her knock. "Come in," I call out, feeling like I'm losing my mind. I can't live in what-ifs.
Violet shuffles into my room, leaving the door cracked behind her. She looks exhausted, but before I can apologizeagain,she does. "Sorry it took me a bit to come. Our neighbor on the left was at the door. She expressed concern."
"Fuck," I groan, and toss my head back against theheadboard. Now I'm waking up the goddamn neighbors with my nightmares.
Violet's silence gives me the time to run through what she said. I hate she feels the need to apologize for not coming to me fast enough. She's eighteen and doesnotneed to feel responsible for me.
I'm way too fucking young for the tables to turn. When I'm old and withering, she can check on me, although we're only about eleven years apart. Yeah, no. My kid won't ever need to take care of me.
