Page 12 of Crown Jewels
One word brought my actions to a grinding halt.
“Vahn, are you home?”
Fuck, Mitch was awake. If he saw me in here like this, I’d get hit for sure. It might be worth it.
I looked down into Emma’s big silver eyes. She still hadn’t told me to get out. No, I had to stop thinking like that. This couldn’t happen for so many reasons, the biggest of which was my family. I couldn’t bring her into that world.
“Keep it down next time. I don’t need your frustration ruining my good time.” I pushed her head back like she disgusted me, and walked out.
EMMA
Yawning, I dropped down in my chair and pulled my books out.
Sitting through art history when I was tired was never fun. But Vahn and the friends he called over kept me up all night. One would think that they’d take a break after going at it for three hours, but no. He had a brief argument with me in the kitchen when I went for a drink, and then went right back at it. Apparently he had more stamina than most.
The worst part was that through all the moans, groans, and fuck me harders, all I could think about was the way he grazed his thumb over my lip. He barged in on me with no clothes on.Yet it was that small action that was so intimate to me, I felt vulnerable and exposed, but hot and heavy at the same time.
I could’ve sworn he was going to kiss me. He even bent down like he was going in for one, and a part of me wanted him to. But I read the situation wrong. Vahn didn’t want me. He was annoyed by me. Like always. Girls like me weren’t desired by guys like him. The only place I would find someone who could look into my soul, was in a book.
I sighed and flipped open my text book.
Growing up the way I did, one learned to be astute and observe their surroundings. The smallest thing could determine what my day was going to be like. It wasn’t the mood in the house when I got up in the morning that I looked for.
It was the underlying hints that something was off. A smile wasn’t always a good thing, food in the fridge did not mean you were free to eat, and a quiet morning did not equate to a quiet day.
I should’ve picked up on Vahn’s mood. I’d known the guy for almost four years now, and he never made a move, so why would he now. Vahn Kessler didn’t see me that way.
“Is that why you quit before you came?”
How did he know that? Maybe I was just being paranoid, but I couldn’t help it. Paranoia was key to surviving in the places I grew up. It was a necessary emotion. It also made everyday life difficult.
Every time I left the house, I got this sinking feeling in my gut that someone was watching me. I knew I didn’t have a stalker, but there was a chance that some guy would recognize me.
Sure, I could’ve hidden my identity behind a mask and wig like others—Vahn always had his face covered on camera—but it somehow felt wrong to me. Like it wasn’t authentic enough. I couldn’t explain why I felt that way. Ruby Rose wasn’t really me, so it shouldn’t matter. Yet it did.
I spent my entire life trying to be someone else to appease others. Maybe I just wanted to hold onto something real for once? Or maybe I didn’t have the energy to fake it anymore? I didn’t know and I didn’t think too much about it. Until I walked around campus.
That’s when the hairs on the back of my neck rose. Ninety percent of the students here had no idea who I was, yet it felt like they were all staring at me and whispering. Did they know how I paid for school? Had they seen my shows? And if so could they differentiate Emma from Ruby? That was the real danger.
I had a brother, I knew how men thought. Not to mention the various letters I’d gotten from fans, any of which could’ve been sent by a guy on campus. My career helped us stay afloat, but it made it incredibly hard to trust people. I questioned everything.
Did that guy two rows down keep looking back at me, or someone else? Why did that one smile at me, why did that girl talk to me, and why did that one avoid eye contact? Not even the professor was safe from my scrutiny. If he looked a little too long my way, I wondered if he wanted something from me.
Sometimes I wanted to stand up and scream ‘yes that was me and I’m not ashamed.’ But I was ashamed, and not because of what I did. There was nothing wrong with how I chose to pay my bills.
I was a fraud, that’s what I was ashamed of. Three times a week I got on camera and talked about something I had no experience in. And people paid me for it. There was something fundamentally wrong about that. I wouldn’t want to take an art class from someone who had never painted.
I know my little show wasn’t the same as a college class. And most of the people who watched were there for one reason, but I was still attempting to educate them regardless. I should have some idea about what I was talking about beyond research, right? Even Vahn could see how inept I was.
“Unlike you, I know how to fuck myself.”
Screw Vahn Kessler. What did he know? I may be inexperienced, but that could be changed. I just needed someone to do things with. That shouldn’t be too hard to find. According to my brother, guys were always willing.
“Good afternoon.” Professor Winston walked in and headed over to the chalkboard.
He walked with a similar air of confidence that Vahn did. Long, purposeful strides as if he knew where he was going every single time he took a step. Not even lack of clothing stopped him. He just continued on going while his dick bobbed along with him.
That thing was huge. Having it point at me was kind of terrifying. Were they all that intimidating and angry? Was I seriously thinking about Vahn’s junk right now? His abs were much nicer. And the way that tribal tattoo crawled up his left side…
