Page 18 of If the Suit Fits
EIGHT
MELANIE
“What do youmeanhe kissed you?” Anna stalks along my back lawn, pacing away her excess energy and taking care not to bother the little bunny nest just six feet to her right. “Like, hekissedkissed you?Why?”
I should be working.
God knows I need to focus on my task instead of gossiping on my back porch, but just like the dust swirling and spinning after Nick’s truck rolled away, my brain has done nothing but the same since he drove out of sight.
Windows? Who cares?Actually,I care.A lot.But that kiss? “He said it was practice.” I flop into my rickety rocking chair and pray the old yard-sale find chooses a different day to retire to the firewood heap. Not that that would be a good place to go—I never light the fireplace! “He’s all in, Anna. He talks about the contract more than I do, about how he’s the perfectly obsessed boyfriend, and how I need to stop panicking when he brushes by me. He saidI have to get comfortable with his proximity, or else my lie will go up in smoke, anyway.”
“Well…” She skids to a stop and nibbles on her pinky nail instead. “He’s not wrong. You can’t sell this version of ‘I’m so in love and ridiculously happy’ if you twitch every time he touches you. But like…” She drops her hand again. “How can you not twitch when he touches you? He’s a stranger! He’s a disgustingly sexy, annoyingly tall, seemingly intelligent, and witty stranger who devotes his time and attention to whatever task is at hand, so you could probably write him a glowing reference when this is all done. But he’s a dude you plucked out of nowhere a week ago. How could you possibly pretend to be in love with a man you don’t know?”
“I mean…” He likes to dance. And cook. And has a natural ability to boss people—it’sme, I’m the people—around. He loves his mother and grandmother and is proud of his sisters. He works hard and struggles to sit still when there are jobs to be done around the house. “I guess we’re not complete strangers now. That’s why we did the cohabitation thing. So things would feel more natural.”
“So are they?” she demands. “Does it feel natural? Because from where I’m standing, you’re freaking out because he kissed you.”
“I’m freaking out because hekissed me with his tongue, Anna! There’s getting comfortable around one another and selling a ruse of contentment, and then there’s tongue kissing a woman you don’t know when, really, it’s not like we’ll be kissing like that in front of my family anyway. It wasn’t part of the contract, so that’s why I’m a little…”
“Panicked?”
“No, I?—”
“Scandalized?”
“No! I?—”
“Ohhhh.” She stops and smirks. “You’re turned on. You liked it, and you don’t like that you liked it. You know it’s not part of the deal, and since it’s not, then maybe he kissed you because he wanted to and not because he’s being paid to do it…”
“I’m not turned on! You’re being dumb.”
“You’resoturned on! I can count the number of men you’ve slept with on one hand, Mel! Drew got thirteen years of you, and the others were one-night attempts at being a slut because you needed to know you could do it. Those dudes weresuperinto you, but you were running so fast, you left scorch marks on the carpet.”
“Shut up.”
“Now you’ve got big bad and brawny Ramos up in your home. He looks at you like he’sactuallyobsessed with you, which means he’s a fantastic actor, as promised, or he’s a little creepy, and we ignored the six million red flags he’s been flying. Youlikehaving him here?—”
“Not true! He’s disruptive to my routine and productivity.”
“Oh, boo hoo. He’s sleeping in the next room and working through your honey-do list without even being asked. You mentioned how he was in your hallway in only a towel, and you definitely wouldn’t have mentioned that unless it was weighing on your mind.”
He has eight abs!
“Now he’s kissing you and calling it practice, but instead of working while you have the house to yourself, you called and invited me over so you could freak out face-to-face.”
“I’m not freaking out!”
“You literally already admitted it,” she snickers. “You’re turned on and curious, and it bothers you that the dude you hired isn’t just a pretty robot. He’s got his own thoughts and feelings and desires, and dammit, Melanie, you hate what that could mean. You should just bang him and call it a day.”
“I’m not banging him!” God, I wish I could. Just one time. No strings attached. I want to try it out but without the added complication of personalities and feelings and weird morning afters. “I wish we invented sex robots already. Make it look likehim—” I hook a thumb over my shoulder, “but without the extra inconvenience of having to?—”
“Speak?” Anna offers. “Or acknowledge his feelings. Without the inconvenience of having to consider him as an entire human being at all? Those are called dildos, babe. I already bought you a bunch as housewarming gifts. Test them out and go bananas.”
“You’re not being helpful.”
“That’s because I, too, am a human being with my own thoughts and feelings and opinions,” she laughs. “But I’m aware if they invented robot best friends, you’d trade me in a heartbeat.
Not true.
