Page 95 of My Gentleman Spy
Hattie followed Will insideand into her father’s old sitting room. Will poured them both a brandy. He took a seat in the chair opposite to her and sat silent for atime.
“For many reasons, some of them being a matter of national security, I cannot tell you the whole story. When we marry, you will have to accept that there are some things of my time away from England, that I can never share with you,” hesaid.
Hattie ignored his stubborn statement about their future marriage. There was not point starting that argument again. If they could not get past their differences, no matter what Will demanded, there would be nowedding.
“During the war, I was a spy for the British government. I spent three years living undercover in Paris working to help bring Napoleon down. After the mess he made attempting to invade Russia, the British government and its allies were hopeful that his powerbase was weak enough for an attempt to topple him. I volunteered to go toFrance.”
Hattie sat and stared at her brandy glass. She had never fully believed the story that he was in the import trade, it didn’t match what she did know of him to betrue.
His having been a spy made far more sense. His need to constantly check and double check details. His need to sit facing the door. His need forcontrol.
“Yvette was a French agent, part of an undercover team working with a number of foreign governments, including Britain to bring Napoleon down. I met her not long after I arrived in France. Being married was a good cover for us. Eventually our marriage of convenience, became a real one. We fell inlove.”
His gaze remained fixed on the carpet. A deep line was etched in his brow. Hattie wondered if Will had ever had this conversation with anyoneelse.
“Being a spy is a dangerous game. One false move and you can find yourself on the wrong end of a blade. Yvette went out on her own to meet with an informant. It turned out that the informant was actually one of Napoleon’s agents and he murderedher.”
Will screwed his eyes shut as tears began to roll slowly down his cheeks. Hattie remained in the chair, instinct telling her that pity was the last thing he needed at this moment. She ached to reach out and holdhim.
He wiped the tears away. “She was so much like you, at times it takes my breath away. You talk of knowing the streets of London, well Yvette knew the lanes and rooftops of Paris. She was fearless, as are you. I have never doubted your bravery Hattie. But there is one thing you do have in common with her that scares the life out of me. You don’t sense danger until it is toolate.”
Hattie could not argue with Will on that point. She had done some foolish things and barely gotten away with them. The beating she had received at the hands of the Belton Street gang had been a lesson painfullylearned.
“But, I am not her. You cannot compare us on such a simplistic level. She was a spy, that comes with an entirely different set of risks from that of working with the poor in therookery.”
“Yet, if I ordered you not to go to Plumtree Lane, you would still go, wouldn’t you?” hereplied.
A creeping worry entered Hattie’s mind. Did Will somehow blame himself for Yvette’s death; and was this where his need to dictate the terms of their relationship stemmed from? She sensed they were close to the truth. She decided to gamble on asking the right but fearfulquestion.
“Where were you when Yvette died?” sheasked.
It was cruel and the second she uttered the words Hattie wished them away, but she knew if they did not address the issue of Yvette’s death, they would never get passed it. The poor girl who had suffered such a terrible and premature death would forever stand betweenthem.
She felt nothing but utter sadness and grief for the young woman she would never know, yet somewhere deep in her heart she would always have a place for Yvette. They shared a bond which no one elsecould.
They both lovedWill.
He put a hand over his face and went silent for a long time. Hattie sat with her hands softly in her lap, rolling her two thumbs in a circle over andover.
Will finally got to hisfeet.
“Are there events in your life that you wish you could go back and relive? Moments that at the time you did not understand their impending significance, but which changed your lifeforever.
I have relived that day in my mind a thousand times. How different our lives would have been if she had followed orders. If instead of getting drunk and passing out in some tavern miles from Paris, I had listened to my instincts and gone home to make sure she bloody well did as I had told her. But by the time I sensed that something terrible was about to happen, it was too late to save her. She was already dead by the time I got back toParis.”
Hattie swallowed back tears. Her worst suspicions were now confirmed. Will did blame himself for Yvette’s death. The guilt he carried, clouded his every thought ofHattie.
She had to make him see that loving someone meant accepting them for their faults and mistakes. It also meant allowing them to make their own choices, even if he did not agree withthem.
As she rose from the chair, their gazes met. She held firm as Will searched her face, his look of pleading washeartbreaking.
“Thank you. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you to finally confide in me. To share the truth. Now that I know what really happened to Yvette, I have a clearer understanding of your motives regarding myself. In a way, I also feel that I know her a little better now. Her mission to save her country meant a great deal to her, as does my work with thepoor.”
She reached up on her toes and kissed him. When Will attempted to deepen the kiss, Hattie pulledaway.
“What needs to happen now Will, is for you to make a choice. You must decide if you can live with a wife who is exposed to danger as part of her work. I love you Will, I do with all my heart. But not even for you, will I give up my life’scalling.”
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