Page 56 of The Tracker's Dawn: Sunderverse
Jake raised his eyebrows, looking doubtful.
“You can’t believe anything Leo says. He said he would come for Christmas last year, and he didn’t. He said he would write often, and we haven’t heard from him in almost two months. So there.”
He fought to repress a smile, then went on. “I can’t say that I had a crush on you when you were in kindergarten. Second-grade was kicking my butt, to be honest. I had trouble with the concept of sitting still for six hours. Actually, I struggled with that concept for a while, also with the idea that girls had cooties. But once I got over all of that, I did notice.”
I swallowed, feeling breathless.
“You were in sixth grade. You had cut your hair up to here.” He touched a finger to his jaw.
“I remember that haircut.” I had actually wanted a buzz cut, but Mom convinced me to try a bob first. She said that if after a month I still wanted to look like a boy, she would take me to the barber.
Jake reached over and took a strand of my pink-tipped hair between his fingers. Except for that one time, my hair had always been the same length, about five inches below my shoulders. Needless to say, I never went for that buzz cut. Even with the bob, I’d missed the weight and feel of my hair too much.
“I remember thinking that you looked cute in that haircut, but that I much preferred you with longer hair.” He smiled to himself. “The thought shocked the hell out of me. It was the first time I’d noticed a girl that way.”
And all this time I’d thought he’d never realized I existed until that spring break party, during my senior year.Damn!
“After that,” Jake continued, “I found myself looking for you in the halls, the gym, the cafeteria. I did my best to hide my interest, though, ‘cause of Leo, you know. He made sure to let everyone know his sisters were off-limits to the likes of us. He assured us he would beat the crap out of anyone he caught looking their way, and he wasn’t joking. One time, he beat the crap out of Joe Manzo for making a comment about Daniella. The dude was on the football team and twice as heavy as Leo, but he never saw it coming.”
My jaw just kept falling lower and lower as the story went on. I’d never known Leo had done that.What a jerk!
“Besides, he was my friend. I thought if I had a sister, I would hate it if any of my friends hooked up with her. I was pretty obsessed with you my entire eighth grade. Then I got the impression that Leo had noticed. Hell, I thought the entire world had noticed. You were all I could think about. So... to throw your brother off the scent, I started dating anyone who’d look my way.”
“Which was pretty much everybody.” My mouth twisted to one side disapprovingly. “Even some of the guys.”
Jake put his hands up. “I never hooked up with any of them.”
“Not that I would think any less of you.”
“I know. Just saying. Anyway, it went on that way up to graduation. I got better at pretending you weren’t there, thinking of you like this unattainable person...the one I would never get.Then we graduated and I thought I’d moved on, but then I saw you at that party.” He sighed, his gaze wistfully rolled over me as if he couldn’t believe I was actually here. His unattainable crush. God, if I had known that. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how things might have turned out.
My heart fluttered like an idiot. Really, the stupid thing practically turned into a butterfly and forgot its job.
“I knew your brother was gone, and I realized how stupid I’d been to be afraid of making him angry. I thought of all the wasted time and figured I would make up for it. By then, I thought of myself as some worldly dude. I thought it would be amazing to have a little fling with you. I never imagined that I would... fall in love.
“I freaked out, Toni. Big time. Then I lied to myself, thinking that if I put some distance between us, those feelings would go away. I was so wrong. They just got stronger, and when I saw you again, all the emotions I’d been trying to ignore just came to a head.” He paused and regarded me for a moment, finally he said, “Can you ever forgive me for being such an idiot?”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Jake.”
Despite everything, the words felt true. A few months back, I would have thought forgiveness impossible. A few months back, I was sure I hated him. I’d worked for over a year making myself believe he meant nothing to me, but it only took one look at him to realize I’d turned into a very good liar.
I doubted few had ever deceived themselves so thoroughly.
He cocked his head to one side. “I still would like to hear you say it, that you forgive me.”
“It was an impossible situation, Jake. It wasn’t until I found out that I’m a werewolf that everything became clear. Our love was inevitable, and I bet you were confused as hell that you’d fallen so hard for a tracker.”
“That might be an understatement.”
“I don’t blame you. I understand why you wanted to keep that promise to your dad. I can’t fault you for trying to be honorable, and for trusting your grandfather.”
“I did grow smarter in the last couple of months,” he said matter-of-factly.
I laughed. “I believe that. Just promise me not to wig out again. Oops, sorry, wrong word. Forget I asked you to promise anything.”
He put three fingers up, while his thumb held his pinky down. “Scout’s honor. It’s as good as a promise but a bit different,” he explained.
“Okay, I’ll buy that.”
