Page 13 of Blood of the Fallen
He huffed dismissively. “You know nothing of what awaits you.”
“Maybe I don’t, but this, I swear to you…”
Kall shook his head and put a hand up. “No vows, Sheela. Nothing you will regret.”
“This, I swear to you,” I repeated, my words cold and sharp like knives, “I will never be yours.”
I blinked the memory away. Why was Kall recalling that conversation? Why did it hunt his feverish dreams?
Kall, I’m sorry. I was awful to you, all of you.
I had no idea if he could register any of my words, but I continued.
I understand things better now. I see that everyone was only trying to help, to make me see the truth. I don’t know if I…
I lowered my head and buried it in my hands, fighting against the tears that threatened to spill.
Despite what I told Ila, I don’t know if I truly belonged here, and I wish I could say that one day I will, but I’m too broken. What I went through… it left its mark. One thing is for sure, though, I won’t rest until Lux Academy and all their lies are destroyed.
“You do belong here.”
My head snapped up. Maki was sitting up across from me. His wild, honey-colored hair was a mess atop his head, and there were huge circles around his eyes. His entire body seemed to slump as if he’d been running for days without food or water.
“Maki!” Before I knew it, I had my arms around his neck.
He returned the hug, patting my shoulder. “Kall shouldalmostget himself killed more often.”
I pushed away from him and held him at arm’s length. “I’ll go get Ila.”
Maki shook his head. “Let her rest.”
I sat back on my pelt.
The door flap was pulled aside, and a shaft of cold wind slipped inside. Novuk, in his human form, stepped in. “Like Maki said… you belong here, Sheela.”
I exchanged awkward smiles with them. Clearing my throat, I glanced in Kall’s direction.
“Why hasn’t he woken up?” I asked.
“He’s still healing,” Novuk responded, lumbering further in and taking a seat next to Maki.
I nodded. That was good. If he was still healing, it meant he was getting better. “Will his… eye be all right?”
Maki lowered his head. “That is anyone’s guess.”
I bit my lower lip. Most would not be able to recover from such a loss, so I knew that my hope was misplaced. But if he didn’t heal fully, how would I be able to forgive myself? I hung my head, swallowing thickly.
“Whatever dark thoughts you’re having, Sheela, you need to chase them away,” Novuk said.
I met his gaze and was amazed by the peace I found in his expression. I tried to conjure a small slice of the same calm from the bottom of my soul, but only chaos rose in response. My insides were churning with ghostly pain and the festering hatred I felt for the Academy. My fists clenched, fingernails cutting half-moons into my palms. I took a deep breath, realizing I hadn’t been doing that bad before I tried to match Novuk’s serenity. It seemed that trying to search for nice things inside my soul would only stir up the ugly.
“Easier said than done,” I mumbled.
Novuk scrubbed at the stubble sprouting from his chin. “You’ll find the peace you need. You’ll see.”
Peace was never something the Academy ever suggested would, at any point, be part of our lives. War against the wildlings was the only thing they taught us to expect.
In that case, war was what they would get.
