Page 18 of A Court So Dark
“Because we’ve all been already,” Jeondar explained.
I shook my head, confused. “But Kalyll went twice.”
“What I was going to say when you so rudely interrupted me,” Kryn said, “is that I think Kalyll went once, and Wölfe went a second time.”
My mouth opened. I wanted to argue the point, but I knew very well that Kalyll and Wölfe were two entirely different people. Even if the night we visited the Envoy Kalyll had felt in charge, he must’ve found a way to let Wölfe take the wheel.
I smiled sadly. Kalyll was clever. If only he was clever enough to escape Cardianright now. I glanced toward the chamber door, willing it to open and let him in. I could almost picture him there, hands outstretched, a wolfish smile on his lips:Here I am, were you unnecessarily worried?
But he didn’t appear, and my heart ached with his absence.
“So what questions did you come up with?” Arabis pointed toward my piece of paper on the table.
Cylea came behind me and righted the chair I’d knocked down.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I picked up my notes, reminding myself to be strong once more. Yes, Kalyll would do everything in his power to escape, but Cardian and Mythorne would not make it easy for him. They knew he was a shadowdrifter. They would take precautions against his power to turn into smoke and his ability to morph into a powerful beast when the sun came down. So I had to do my best to find him and set him free because it was possible we were his only hope.
Eyes roving over the list, I read the first idea I had underlined.
“I could ask if I will see him again?” Re-reading the question out loud made the idea sound stupid—not to mention that it also made my knees wobble at the possibility of the Envoy’s answer being ano. I would not be able to survive that blow. When I wrote and underlined the question, I’d only been thinking of receiving a positive answer.
Silver shook his head. “Not a useful question. You might see him again, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be alive when you do.”
I placed a hand on the table to steady myself.
Cylea swatted Silver’s arm. “Shut up, you insensitive bastard.”
I went over the rest of the list, then crumbled it in anger. None of the things I’d written were any good. All the questions were a reflection of my desire to know that Kalyll was all right, that his traitorous brother hadn’t murdered him already.
“This will sound terrible,” Kryn said, “but you need to get a grip, Dani. Kalyll’s life depends on that visit.”
“I know. I know.” I beat a fist on my forehead and took several deep breaths. Looking inward, I found the place where I liked to relegate Dark Dani. I needed her cold determination, her calculated way of thinking.
—Notherdetermination,she seemed to say. Ourdetermination. Kalyll has accepted all aspects of himself. You need to do the same if you want to see him again. Alive.She pointed out that last bit adding an edge of sarcasm to the word.
Dark Dani wasn’t one hundred percent me, but I could be like her. Ihadbeen like her in the past. Gently, careful not to let her overtake me completely, I invited her in.
Immediately, I felt my pulse slow, and my mind clear. The edge of desperation was still there, but it was less sharp. Manageable.
Rolling my shoulders, I glanced around the room, meeting everyone’s gazes. They all seemed calm, ready to confront any news the Envoy might deliver. For a moment, I found it surprising that Kalyll had surrounded himself with such a glacial bunch. Then I realized they were exactly what a Seelie Prince needed to help him perform his duties. Emotion couldn’t rule in court, just like it couldn’t rule in the emergency room or the operating table, I realized.
And that was when it hit me, Dark Dani had always been with me. She was the one who healed with steady hands when there seemed to be no hope. She was the one who issued clear commands to the staff when gauze, retractors, forceps, or scalpels were needed. And that was exactly who I needed to be right now. This was how I would be strong for Kalyll.
“Okay, this is what I’m thinking,” I said, taking charge of myself and the situation. “It’s best to ask questions that we think have a positive answer, right?”
“Right,” Jeondar said. “That way she will provide additional information.”
“It would be nice if said additional information was useful, but from what I experienced last time, I bet it won’t be.”
“Sometimes it is.” Arabis shrugged and glanced toward Kryn, making me wonder if, during her visit to the Envoy, she’d asked something about their relationship.
From the way Kryn was frowning, it was easy to guess he was wondering the same thing.Witchlights!I would be glad if these two got their stories straight. It was heart-wrenching seeing them pine over each other day in and day out. I wasn’t sure how the others had endured the tension for so long.
“‘Is Kalyll in Elf-hame?’” I said, pushing thoughts of Arabis and Kryn aside. “What do you think of that as the first question? It’s broad, but we need to discard the possibility that he’s in my realm. Besides, I have a feeling he’s still here, so the Envoy’s answer should beyes.But you guys know Cardian better than I do. Do you think he took him elsewhere?”
Arabis shook her head. “Cardian isn’t familiar with your realm. When he first visited, he behavedlike a horse’s ass, as the saying goes in your realm. That was when King Beathan took away his transferring privileges. It’s the reason we never suspected he had a token. He might be using it to travel faster within Elf-hame, but he has no friends on the other side of the veil. All his allies are here.”
“I agree.” Kryn nodded.
