Page 50 of No Apologies
Her lashes fluttered as she opened her eyes and he nearly collapsed at the pure, unrestrained emotions there. He shouldn’t have needed to see it. He shouldn’t want to hear her say the words that he couldn’t even bring himself to think. But he did want it, he wanted all of her, and the only thing that stopped him from asking her to tell him was the knowledge that it would hurt her worse when he walked away if she’d admitted it aloud.
He laced their fingers together and she squeezed in response. Instead of a restraint, their hands intertwined as one. They held onto each other. Both giving and taking in that shared moment.
That pain in his chest ached but instead of giving voice to it he simply leaned down and kissed her again. Soft and slow and deep, he tried to convey everything he couldn’t say with his kiss. As their bodies collided hard and fast, as he fucked her, he made love to her mouth until they were both pulling away to gasp for air.
“Look at me angel.” He rasped when he felt her body begin to constrict around him, “I want to watch you as you come for me. I want to see it. Give it to me.”
“Oh, God, Colt…” Skylar cried out as her back arched off the mattress and her climax ripped through her.
He groaned as he felt every pulse of her body and his own responded in kind. His hips jerked as his release shuddered out of him. And the only thing that could have made it better in that moment would have been knowing that he was filling her, marking her in a way that nobody could ever take away from him.
He hadn’t understood it when he overheard Cash and Jemma talking about not using protection. Not wanting anything between them. Talking about making a baby. But he understood it now, with Skylar, because he felt some deep, caveman part of him scream that if they made a life together, a child together, that nobody would ever be able to take her from him.
But he shook off that insane level of need because he wasn’t Cash. He was in no position to start a family and he couldn’t ask Skylar to tie herself to him when he had nothing to offer her. He had to get clean first, free of the family business, away from all the fighting and threats and danger. That was the only way he could ever hope to be good enough for her.
Skylar moaned beneath him as her orgasm ebbed and he planted kisses across her jaw and down her neck. When he reached the soft spot where her neck and shoulder connected, he latched his mouth to the sensitive skin and suckled. She whimpered but didn’t pull away, only wrapped her arms around him and bucked her hips into him one last time as he released the love bite and then laved his tongue over it.
He continued to kiss her softly as he rolled, taking his weight off of her before he collapsed at her side. She didn’t let him get far. Skylar followed him over, sprawling across his chest. Their sweaty bodies stuck together and even though he knew he needed to get up, needed to deal with the condom, needed to get his clothes and somehow convince himself and Skylar that this was less than what it had really been, he couldn’t bring himself to move.
“That’s going to last a lot longer than just tonight.” Skylar broke the silence as she fingered the mark he’d left on her neck.
He sighed heavily, “I know.”
That was why he’d done it. Because he needed some proof that tonight had happened. It would fade with time but it wouldn’t be gone come morning. Even if he would be.
“Sorry.” He finally forced the apology from his lips and he didn’t miss the importance of the word as he issued her another apology.
Him. The man that swore he would never apologize for anything in his life. The man that swore he was what he was and would never try to be anything else to please another person. But for Skylar, he would apologize. For not being good enough. Not being man enough. Not being what she deserved. Because he wanted to be, but he wasn’t. Not yet.
“Don’t be.” Skylar whispered against his chest as she found his hand and their fingers intertwined, “I’m not sorry for any of it.”
God, he hoped that were still true tomorrow. In the morning light, he didn’t want her to regret this. He didn’t want her to regret him. But he had a feeling she would. Because he was going to be gone when she woke up and she would finally realize the cold hard truth. He wasn’t the man she wanted him to be.
