Page 12 of Let Me
I needsomethinglike this to make me feel clean again.
He smiles at me, a cold smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, as if he knows what I’m thinking. He puts his hand back on the wall at my side.
After a moment, he pushes himself off the wall, standing between the two men he hurt.
Eyes still on me, he says, “Let’s go.” Then he turns and walks down the alley without looking to see if I’ll follow.
Because of course I’ll follow.
SEVEN
Present
OF COURSE I followed her from the club. She had watched me leave her, and then turned back to her piece of shit boyfriend. It hadn’t taken much for Benji to get him there, get him drunk. Because he had been our friend, too. Until Jack died, and he swooped in to claim her, which had been fine by me, because God knows I wouldn’t have.
Couldn’t have.
Sometimes I wonder if it was Adam, in the video. I can’t rule it out completely, although the man seemed bigger than Adam. God knows I’ve watched it so many times by now, I’ve memorized far too much of it. Far more than I want to have burned into my skull. Sometimes I want to vomit when I think about it. Sometimes I want to punch someone. Sometimes I want to burn it out of my memory.
But sometimes I never want to forget, so I never forget what she really is.
Even still, when I watched her leave, alone, and in that tight dress—black had always been her favorite color—I had pushed the girl off my lap. The one that had been deftly unbuttoning my pants, grabbing at my cock. Which was hard, but not for her.
Even as I hated to admit it.
Being behindher, watching her watch Adam, watching her not give a fuck that he was being annihilated by two women that weren’t her,thatwas what had turned me on. So, I watched her leave. Then went after her.
I’m under no illusion that I’m her savior. If I could bring her down to her knees, I would. But having her raped in an alleyway…I grit my teeth now as she walks behind me, her boots clicking on the pavement. If anyone else had hurt her, I would have killed them. As it is, I might have already, but I don’t give a fuck. Benji will take care of it.
I remember her hair in my hand, remember her looking up at me with defiance, just a moment ago.You think I wanted this?I didn’t know anymore. I didn’t know what she wanted, if anything. Maybe she just wanted to watch everyone around her suffer. Maybe she had wanted an excuse for me to step in, to talk to her.
Maybe she wanted to go back to the condo my dad paid for and think about her newfound freedom, now that I knew she would be done with Adam. Thank God. She didn’t deserve much, but he certainly didn’t deserve her.
“Are you sure?” Benji had asked me when I told him to get Adam there.
Benji was utter darkness. Benji had no limits.
I had frowned at him, shook my head. “You’re acting like you care now?” I had hissed.
He hadn’t backed down, his dark eyes watching mine. “Caden, man, I don’t give a fuck what you say. I know you still—”
“Don’t finish that.”
He must have seen something in my face because he didn’t argue. Backing down isn’t really Benji’s style, but still, he’d only nodded, then convinced Adam to come down. The fucker was already drunk, and clearly had no idea Riley was in Toronto, which was interesting in itself. But I couldn’t be interested. I wanted her to mean nothing to me. Less than nothing.
Approaching the condo now, I hear her footsteps slow behind me.
She doesn’t know that I know about this place. Or rather, shedidn’tknow.
But now she does.
I turn around to look at her. Even in those heeled boots, she’s still so small. Not fragile, no. She’s tough. She had to be tough to stick it out with my brother as long as she had. She had to be tough to lie to both of our fucking faces. To stab a knife in both of our backs. She had to be tough to show up at the funeral like she wasn’t a goddamn whore. The funeral was the last time I saw her until today.
Just looking at her now, thinking about it…my hands ball into fists.
I’d never hurt her. Not physically. Not like that. But it doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. But I can hurt her in other ways.
She looks up at the condo, then back at me, a frown on her full lips.
