Page 35 of Let Me
I don’t see Mom in the living room, and I know she must be passed out in her bedroom. But right now, she’s no use to me. I snatch open the door to the apartment, grabbing Mom’s worn sneakers as I do, and then I sprint down the stairs, headed toward the parking lot of the apartment.
Thankfully, it’s warm outside, and my pajama shorts and shirt aren’t too out of place. That last thing I want is to get the police involved. I don’t want a foster home.
The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.
I keep running, through the woods by the apartment, following the shortcut to the bus stop, even as I realize with a sinking feeling that I don’t have any money. Or a bus pass.
It’s only when I reach the stop anyway, tearing out of the woods and shoving my shoes on, that I dare look back.
He isn’t there.
He isn’t coming.
I got away.
SEVENTEEN
Present
I CAN STILL FEEL HIM. Still taste him. I can stillhearhim. His soft moan while he was fingering me, and then that word, so cold:Don’t.
And then he took me home, or rather, to his dad’s condo, and he didn’t pull away from the curb until I got up the stairs and into the building. I glanced at him, over my shoulder, and watched his car pull away. I don’t know what he was thinking. I don’t know why he went after me. I don’t know why he brought Benji. I don’t know any of that. I don’t know what the hell is going through his head, or why, or what I can do about it.
I think he wanted to scare me. He has no idea thatthat, well, that was nothing.
I go up to the condo I don’t pay for, the one I have no control over, the one I’m in the mercy of Rolland’s hands for. I change into a white t-shirt and slip off my shoes and crawl into bed. The white sheets seem too pristine for who I am and what I’ve done and yet somehow, I fall asleep even still. Because sleep is one of those basic needs of the human body. No matter how horrible we are, no matter what dirty deeds we hide in our skin, everyone has to sleep. And sometimes even monsters sleep like babies.
I awaken to my phone buzzing beside my head. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and grab my phone, holding it over my face.
And then, predictably, I drop it.
Because of course I do.
I cry out, eyes watering, but no one hears me, and it doesn’t change the fact I’ve got a fucking message from Rolland.
Coming up in 10.
Sent five minutes ago. I must have missed the first buzz. Which means I have less than five minutes to change and scrub any hint of Caden from my body. Impossible. It’s like he’s seeped into my pores. My skin. My blood.
I fly out of bed, pull on a black t-shirt, ankle-length jeans, and brush my teeth. I pull my long hair in a ponytail, rub my cheeks, splash water on my face, and wait. I don’t want to see him. I’ve never wanted to see him. And since he’s coming here, just like that, without asking, I imagine he knows I broke up with Adam. Which makes me feel less than thrilled.
That means there’s absolutely nothing and no one to protect me from his advances.
Just like there wasn’t when I ran away from home, looking for shelter, and fell right into Rolland’s arms. My nails bite into my palms as I think of what he did, but then there’s a knock at the door and I take a deep breath, trying to relax.
Trying not to be that scared teenage girl. Because fuck Rolland Virani. I can protect myself now.
I open the door and paste a smile on my face.
“Well, hello, hello,” he croons, and pulls me in for a hug, his hands trailing down my back.
I stiffen, but let him touch me, and then pull back, shutting the door behind him. I gesture to the leather couch.
“Please,” I say, “have a seat.” Southern manners I must have picked up. Because this is Rolland’s condo. He can do whatever the fuck he wants in it. If only I could shove him out of the window, down into the street below.
He walks across the room, wearing a grey dress shirt and black pants, his appearance unrumpled by the summer heat in Toronto. He sits, pats the seat beside him, but I purposefully sit across from him, on the love seat.
He frowns, his brows pulled together, but thankfully, he doesn’t mention it.
