Page 70 of Let Me
And even now, Tyler is quick to say that what Benji and Caden did was way too fucking far. Not to mention illegal.
“It hurts,” I finally say, breaking the silence. I see in the darkness, Tyler’s eyes soften. “It hurts that he hates me so much. That he thinks I would sleep with his…” I trail off, unable to say the word. Tyler doesn’t know why Caden might think that. He thinks Adam paid for my flight here, that he cancelled because we broke up.
Some secrets have to stay between Rolland and me. I don’t remember the last time I could justbe.The last time the truth didn’t make me feel so fucking ashamed.
But I want to keep it that way. If everyone knew, it’d be worse. Because even though it wasn’t my fault, the pain of the memory, on top of everything else, is too fucking much.
Tyler takes my hand in his. “He’s dealing with his own pain. He fucked up, though. You two…” he shakes his head and sighs. “You two are not good for each other, Riley. You know that, don’t you? You never have been. And I know you’ve always had a crush on him—”
“More than a crush,” I interrupt him.
“—and I know that he’s always had a thing for you. I saw how he used to watch you in his house. Like he was a cat and you were the mouse, and he couldn’t wait to eat you alive. But that’s the whole thing about toxic relationships, isn’t it? They make you want to burn for each other a little more.”
I pull my hand away. Not to be vindictive, but I need to wrap my arms around myself, so I do. He’s right. Of course he’s right. My head knows that. But my heart…well, it’s the thing that needs a little more convincing.
“Benji is a convict,” Tyler continues. “And with that shit he pulled tonight, it looks like Caden won’t be too far behind.”
I laugh out loud at that. “He’s a lawyer.”
Tyler shakes his head. “He’s not a lawyer. He’s a CEO. He might have a JD, but that doesn’t make him immune from vengeance. Most CEOs are shitheads. Fuck, most lawyers are shitheads. He hasnotproven to be an exception.”
I lean my head against the wall. Tyler doesn’t have a headboard. Neither do I. I always marveled at Jack’s. The one at Morgan’s hotel was a huge luxury.
“Thanks again,” I say to Tyler, “for the money. I’m going to pay you back.”
Tyler smiles at me. He’s always looked so boyish in the face, and in the darkness of his room, only the city lights streaming in, he looks even more so. “You won’t,” he says lightly. “And I don’t care.”
I roll my eyes, but only smile in response. Iwillpay him back, but it’ll probably be a while. A long, long while.
“Just promise me something, Riley.” He looks down at his hands.
“Anything,” I lie.
“Don’t let him get to you again.”
I sigh. “I don’t like to lie to you.”
But I know there won’t be anything more between us. Because even though I want him, even though I’ve always wanted him, there’s too much darkness in the both of us. Some he doesn’t even know about. And what he did tonight was crossing a line. Lines we’ve been standing at the edge of for far, far too long.
Tyler takes my hand again, stretching across the small bed.
“Riley,” he whispers. “I know you love him. But you’ve got to let him go.”
Even after these three years, I never did.
But now, I have to. For my own good. And his, too.
THIRTY-ONE
Present
ANGIE NOTICES my bad moods before anyone else does. She sees me before anyone else does. She came back earlier this morning. She had a great time with her sister, she told me, but she missed my house. It’s nicer, she said. Of course it is. It’s probably one of the nicest houses in Ontario.
And the loneliest.
We’re sitting across from each other in poolside chairs, looking at the smooth surface of the water. It’s been less than twelve hours since I last saw Riley, and I’m spending my Wednesday morning with my housekeeper, and I don’t even hate it. I actually like it. Because Angie doesn’t want anything from me but what I pay her, and she’s content to fill the silence while I nod my head or laugh in the right places or make a short remark like,OhandI seeevery now and then.
I didn’t sleep all night. I should be at SVE. I have shit to do. I feel like my grasp on everything right now is falling apart. It isn’t healthy, but neither is how I feel about Riley Larson.
