Page 58 of Let Me
He wrestled instead. All that anger needed somewhere to go, I guess.
He reaches around me, offering me a bottle of beer. The top is off. For a second, I think of Rolland.
But this is Caden.
I take the drink, and he doesn’t let go, my fingers overtop his.
We stand like that for a moment, and I feel heat in my core, desire for something I’ve longed after for so long. Too long.
It’s wrong.
But I’m past that now. I don’t care.
He brings the bottle to my lips, my hand still on his. I take a long pull, relishing in the taste. It’s notgood, exactly, but I feel an excitement in the pit of my stomach, knowing what’s coming. The buzz. The drowning. The numbness. It’s why I went to the party. To get out of my head. To stop thinking.
Of Caden’s father.
For just a moment, as both Caden and I lower the drink, I want to tell him. I want to tell him what happened. To confess.
But I don’t.
Caden lets go and moves away from me. I close my eyes, wishing him back. I take several more pulls from the beer, eager to feel it in my system.
I hear a faint click, and the light dims.
Then there’s another one, and it goes out. Now, only the lights of the city stream into this room. I don’t see Caden in the reflection of the glass, but I hear him come up behind me again. This time, he doesn’t touch me.
“What do you want, Riley?” he asks instead.
My heart is thudding in my chest. I cross one arm under the elbow of the other, take another drink. The bottle is halfway done now.
“Guess,” I challenge him.
He laughs, and it’s husky. Sensual. “Most people want safety. Money. Love. Happiness. To beright.” He’s closer now. I can feel him behind me. Feel his lips against my ear when he says, “But not you. You don’t want to be right, do you?”
Chills slide down my body. I get goosebumps on my arm and I take another drink.
“You want what’swrong.You want the darkness. You want the things people tell you that you can’t have. That’s what you liked about being with my brother, isn’t it? The rich basketball player saw something in the poor girl, and he took it. You let him. But you weren’t going to conform, were you? You weren’t going to make iteasyfor him. All those fights I heard, all those arguments between the two of you…you didn’t need my help. You liked it. You liked the wrongness of it. And most of all…” His lips trail down my jaw, to the side of my neck. “You liked me. You liked seeing me between you. Not to save you.” He smiles against my skin. “No. You liked knowing that in that moment…we both wanted you. You liked thinking that we would fight over you. Brothers.” He scoffs. “Did you want us both, Riley? At the same time?”
The bottle dangles from my fingers by my side. My legs feel weak beneath me. I don’t move.
“Is that what you wanted?” He finally touches me, grazing his finger down my side. “You wanted both of us inside of you?”
I shiver at his touch, as his hand trails down to my hip, then in front of me, between my legs. He squeezes.
I lean my head back, against his shoulder. “No,” I whisper, still staring out the window. “No. I only wanted you.”
He groans in my ear, takes the bottle from my hand and sets it on the TV stand, then pushes me against the window, my palms catching me, my breath coming out in a rush.
He undoes the buttons to my jeans and pulls them down, then his hands cup my ass, then my hips, and he grinds against me. I feel him, what he feels for me. He moves his hands up, pulls off my shirt and I lift my arms up to help him. He lets it fall to the floor, his hands coming over my breasts, reaching into my bra.
Then he spins me roughly around. In the darkness, I watch his eyes drink me in.
And then we clash. We’re mouths and tongues and teeth, his hands cupping my face, mine pushing his blazer off, going for the buttons on his shirt. But my hands are trembling, and I finally just pull it apart, as hard as I can, and buttons go flying. He bites my lip, hard enough to draw blood, and I whimper into his mouth.
I pull down his shirt and run my hands over the hard planes of his abs, up his chest, and down his back, my nails digging into him. He groans into my mouth and yanks me closer to him, his hands around my low back. I taste iron, and I want it all over him.
Then he walks us backward, until we get to the bed.
