Page 83 of Break Me
“You mean you don’t want to deal with someone like me,” I counter. “Someone on the right side of the law.”
He huffs a laugh and steps back from me. He looks like he’s about to bolt. Like he wants to put as much distance between us as he possibly can. “Exactly.”
That hurts, and I feel my chest nearly cave. But I straighten my spine, hold my head up high. “What’s going on with you and Bianca?” I can’t help but to say her name like it’s a fucking curse. I know it isn’t right, and it’s so cliché. Judging the girl I don’t know just because she used to be with Benji.
But it’s more than that.
She lied to him. She was the reason he went to prison. Became what he is now. Maybe he doesn’t regret it, because underneath all the darkness, he’s light. But more than prison, more than lying to him and fucking him over, she hurt him. And I think it’s that pain that stops him from even trying to be someone decent.
What he doesn’t get is that he already is someone decent. More than decent.
Benji steps off the grass, into the parking lot, putting more space between us, backing away. He brushes his thumb over his lips before he puts his hand back in his pocket. “Doesn’t matter, Princess,” he says quietly. “You aren’t for me.”
I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I might choke. He starts to turn away.
“You want me to go after Dumont?” I call after him, not caring who hears. Class has already started and I don’t see anyone else in the parking lot anyway, but even if I did, I wouldn’t keep my voice down. I step down onto the pavement too, and Benji watches me wearily, like he wishes I’d stop talking.
“You want me to keep fucking him, then? You’re okay with that?” I laugh and it’s bitter. “Or maybe you are okay with that, because you and Bianca sure didn’t mind fucking around—”
His hand darts out and he yanks me close to him, pressing my body into his, letting go of my arm to press his palm against my back. With his other hand, he forces my chin up. His eyes look so green in the daylight.
“You know nothing about me and her,” he growls at me, his fingers digging into my jaw.
“So protective over the girl who fucked your life up—” He cuts me off, squeezing my face so hard I gasp.
“You’rethe girl that’s fucked my life up,” he hisses at me, his breath caressing my mouth. “You, Ava. You’ve got me thinking maybe I’m not so bad. Maybe I don’t really need to do this shit I do. Maybe, one day, I could be something else. Someone’s father, like I never had. I could be someone’s husband, I could love someone gently. I could be the person to someone that I always wanted for myself but never got.” His lips hover over mine and I can almost feel them on mine. Almost. My blood heats, my thighs clench but I don’t dare move.
“You with your sick mom and your fucking bleeding heart and your beautiful eyes and your lost fucking soul and how you feel when I’m inside you.” He sounds so disgusted, his words so at odds with how he seems to be feeling. I still can’t move, my face forced upward to meet his gaze.
“Even you letting your professor fuck you, Ava. It shows you’ve got fucking spirit.” I feel his mouth on mine now, but he doesn’t kiss me. “That maybe you can handle me, after all. Maybe someone can love me, despite everything I’ve done.” Then he kisses me, and it’s harsh and possessive, a growl in his throat as he bites my lip then pulls away, hand still on my jaw.
A low moan sounds in my throat and my cheeks warm as he smiles coldly down at me. “But you don’t want everything I’ve done, do you? You can’t take it, can you?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whisper, wanting to feel his mouth on mine again. My heart is hammering in my chest, and my hands are on his jacket. I can feel the warmth of him beneath it, his hard muscles. I want him closer. “But you can’t let it go, can you?” My voice is still a whisper, but it isn’t quiet. “You want to be the bad guy. You want to be the darkness. Well guess what, Benji?” I brush my mouth over his soft lips. “I know you’re more than that, even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself. Even if you never do. I know you’re more.”
For a second, his face softens. The hand on my jaw loosens, and he leans down, as if he’s going to kiss me again. But he doesn’t. Instead, he lets me go and backs away. Cold air rushes in to fill the space of the warmth he’d occupied. He turns to go.
“You aren’t for me, Ava,” he says without looking at me.
