Page 128 of The Cruelest Chaos
“It’s real,” she finishes.
Ria whimpers, but I don’t look at her. I keep staring into Ella’s gorgeous green eyes, looking at all the freckles I haven’t kissed yet.
“Make me believe it.”
She frowns, a crease between her dark auburn brows.
“Tell me something only you would know. Make me believe this is real.”
“About you, Mavy?” she asks me.
But my mind knows about me, even if I want it to forget. Even if I want it to stuff away all those dark, dark things. Or even worse, the things that make me feel. That remind me that I’m alive. I’m not a psychopath. I feeleverything.
My mind knows that.
I shake my head, my lip trembling. “No, pretty girl. Tell me something you haven’t told me yet. About you.”
My father sighs, growing impatient, but he doesn’t say anything.
Ella nods, closing her eyes. Tears spill down her pale cheeks, one dropping from her beautiful red lips. “When I first met you, my mom and I had fought, just before. She had hit me.”
My gut clenches.
“She had hit me, and I had hated it and hated her, and hated that I liked when she screamed at me. That I liked when I had her attention. But I knew…” She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I knew she didn’t hit me because she loved me. She did it because she hated me.” She opens her eyes, focuses on me. “You were so angry when we met,” she whispers, tears spilling down from her chin, onto the floor. “You were so angry, and so…gorgeous.”Her skin turns a pale shade of pink with that word and I can’t help the smile that tugs on my own lips, despite the tears forming in my eyes. “I wanted you to hate me, too. I wanted you to hate me so I could feel it.”
I could never hate you.
“Feel what, pretty girl?” My voice shakes, but I have to know. I need to know.
“There’s no difference between love and hate, Mavy. The opposite of those is indifference, and if you could hurt me, if you couldlike it,I mattered to you. Just like I mattered to her.”
My father blows out a breath. “This is all very touching, but Maverick, we don’t have time for any more speeches.”
I keep my eyes on Ella. “Do you love me, baby?”
She nods, tears coming more freely now. “Yes,” she whispers. “I love you.”
“I think I love you, too.”
“So, you’ve made a decision, then?” my father snaps. I turn to look at him and he digs the gun in further against Ria’s head. Her entire body is shaking, her head tilted back, eyes still closed.
She’s had to hear all of this. How I couldn’t love her like I do Ella. I know she doesn’t love me that way, either. But it isn’t fair. It isn’t right.
“Don’t you ever get tired?” I ask my father, my eyes on his.
He presses his lips into a thin line. “Tired ofwhat?”he asks through clenched teeth.
“Of pretending you don’t feel anything, Dad? Of pretending you’re okay? Pretending Malachi wasn’t your son? Pretending Brooklin wasn’t your daughter?”
His eyes narrow.
“Pretending you don’t give a shit about me, either?”
He doesn’t speak.
“It’s okay, Dad.” I swallow, hard, keeping my eyes on his. “It’s okay to feel it all. I know they tried to train it out of you. I know they’ve hardened you, but Dad…I’m your son.”
He digs the gun into Ria’s temple and she chokes on a sob. “And that’swhyI’m making this choicefor you, Maverick.”His words are angry but his tone…his tone is something else.
