Page 51 of The Cruelest Chaos
I know what she went through at our hands was a lot. I know she probably thought she was really going to die at Sanctum, at Sacrificium, on Lucifer’s birthday. I know that she was probably scared for her life—or ready to go. And I know what happened afterward, with Jeremiah and the warehouse and Lucifer’s menagerie of dead fucking bodies hanging from the ceiling… I know that shocked her. Not to mention that she hasCoagulabranded on her palm. I’m not sure if she knows exactly how deep that goes; it means she can never leave Lucifer.Ever.Divorce doesn’t happen in the 6. If your spouse dies, you’re free to remarry. But otherwise…you’re stuck together. For better or for fucking worse. And usually, it’s for worse. My parents are a great example of that.
Sometimes I envy Malachi.
He got out.
I’ll never be able to.
“Angel,” I say softly, “tell me what’s going on.”
She looks at me warily, as if she’s trying to decide if she can trust me. Trying to decide if I’m just going to go run and tell Lucifer what she tells me. I don’t blame her. Usually, actually, I would. We don’t keep secrets from each other. Even with Pammie, I knew she’d tell him.
But I’m already keeping a few secrets from him right now in the form of a girl in my basement and the wounds on my back, so what’s another secret to add to the rest?
Her mouth opens, closes, and then she finally says it, and I kind of wish she hadn’t. “I’m pregnant.”
I feel sick. I know that probably shouldn’t be my first reaction to the news that I’m going to be an uncle, but it is. I want to vomit. Before I can think of what to say next though, she throws in another surprise just to make sure she completely decimates me.
“I want an abortion.”
I think I’m going to fall off of this fucking stool. In fact, I grab the edge of the island to keep myself upright. It’s still a little hard to think clearly through the haze of marijuana, but I try my damndest. For her.
And what clever advice do I come up with? This:“What?”
“And I need you to do me a favor.”
What.
I sigh, run my hand through my hair. I don’t want to do her a favor. Sure, I want to be there for her, but…I have a feeling I know what she’s going to ask. And I can’t do that. Then again, I feel like I owe her. Like this is my chance to make it right, after not being there for her all of those years. As if what my father—ourfather—did is somehow my fault, and this is how I can atone for my own sins.
After how I let Malachi down. Someone Sid will never know. May never even learn existed.
And I let Brooklin down, too.
Sid blows out a breath. “I want an abortion,” she says again.The favor.
Fuck me.But no. No.No.“Why didn’t you tell me this on New Year’s Eve? What the fuck, Sid? I would have never taken you!”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you, dumbass.”
I clench my jaw, shake my head. “No.”
“No?” She no longer seems anxious. Instead, she’s got this look in her eyes like she’s going to kill me.
“No, as in I’m not taking you for that.” I throw up my hands. “Get a cab.” I have to draw the line somewhere. If Lucifer was hurting her, mistreating her…I could intervene. As it is, he’s paranoid and I don’t blame him. Truth be told, Jeremiah probablyisgoing to come for her soon and I probablyshouldhave let him die for that reason alone.
“Why?” she challenges me.
I keep my voice hard. I can’t let her persuade me into doing this, no matter how guilty I feel. I’ve got issues with how Lucifer is handling things, but I can talk to him about it. He’s my brother. All my life, he’s been there. I can’t do this to him. “Well, I mean, you can fucking walk if you want to but—”
“Why won’t you take me?”
Alright. I tried to be nice. I hop off the stool, gripping the island for balance, feeling a little dizzy from my high. When I’m sure I’ve got a hold of myself, I walk around the island, coming up close to her. I lean down, so my face is level with hers. I know what I’m going to say next isn’t very fair, but since when have I ever been fair? Despite the effects, the marijuana seems to be leaving my mind too quickly, and so it doesn’t take much effort to get the words out. “You’ve fucked up my relationship with my brother more than enough. I’m not going behind Lucifer’s back to take you to kill his baby—”
She points a finger in my chest. “Did you know there’s a difference between abortion and what we did to Pammie? You’re smart, right?” She cocks her head, grey eyes narrowed. “I’m not killing anything except—”
I knock her finger off of me. “No. In fact,fuck no.”I clench my fists so I don’t go for her fucking throat. I wish Ella was here and then I hate myself for even thinking about it. I force myself back to the present. Sid. The baby. “This is not my problem. This is Lucifer’s problem. Are you fucking scared to tell him or something? You just said he hasn’t hurt you.” Nor do I believe he would.
And yet…she actually looks down. Her words echo in my head:He’s scaring me.What the fuck?
