Page 110 of The Cruelest Chaos
I can’t take it because he’s right. I did need someone. Did want someone. It’s why I kissed Connor. Why I fell into Maverick’s arms in the first place.
But he’s wrong, too.
I wanted it to be him.
Since the moment he tackled me to the ground, my crazy heart has wanted him.
“I hurt you, too. And I don’t have a good excuse. I don’t know what you were thinking when you were in that shed, but you had every reason to think it. Every reason to think I wasn’t right for you. I’m not.”
No. He is.You are.But I can’t speak.
“I’m not right for you, Ella, and I might never be.”
He still won’t look at me.No. This week has been miserable. Let me come back. Let it go.
“I’m a terrible person.” He finally looks at me again. “I’m a terrible person and I’ve done terrible things and I’ll keep doing them, Ella.”
No.
He reaches for me again, his hand on the back of my neck. His eyes are pleading, but he hasn’t asked for anything. I hold my breath, hoping he does.
“But I want you. I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’m sorry I’ve kept so many things from you, but I was only trying to protect you. And with Chelsea, and everything…”
I tense at her name but stay silent, hoping.
“You were right. I was trying to make you leave.” He swallows, steps closer, pressing his forehead to mine. “But this week has been shitty and there haven’t been any cookies and…”
I can’t help it. I breathe out a little laugh, my stomach unknotting itself.
“And there hasn’t been anyone else. And there won’t be. Not again. Not if you…not if you want to try this again.”
I swallow, wrap my arm around his back and his eyes close, relief visible on his perfect face. “You’ll tell me everything?”
He nods, eyes still closed. “Yes.”
“And you’ll trust me?”
He nods again.
“I won’t hurt you, Mavy,” I whisper, pressing my head against his chest. “I won’t hurt you with your secrets.” I sag against him as he wraps both arms around me. “You never hurt me with mine. You’re safe, you know?” I realize I’m talking to myself, too. “We’re safe.”
He kisses the top of my head. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “And as long as you don’t run off with another man again, everyone else is safe from me, too.”
I laugh despite myself, and he does, too, some of our anger thawing.
“I’m so sorry, Ella. But I’m gonna grow the fuck up, okay? I’m gonna grow up, and I’m taking you with me, kid.”
I don’t wanna go anywhere you’re not going, even if you take me straight to hell.
* * *
“You fucked your sister?”
“Yes.”
“You regret it?”
“Obviously.”
