Page 101 of Ecstasy
I freeze, holding my breath this time as I stare at my father.
“Zara?” he prompts me, pretending to remember, and asking me as if I don’t know it. As if I don’t have her body memorized. Burned in my brain. He rubs his hands together and I see his stupid gold wedding band gleam under the lights strung in the high ceiling. “Don’t you think you need to take a break from girls?” He levels me with his gaze. “They’ve caused you nothing but trouble.”
My heart is hammering in my fucking chest and I want to knock his teeth out, but I just stare at him.
“I only say that for your own good. Stay away from her.”
“Don’t talk about her,” I say through gritted teeth. “Don’t say another word about her.”
He stares at me a long moment and then, changing the subject, he asks, “How’s Eli’s season going?” I know why he’s really doing it. To spite me. To rub it in my face that I’m suspended for three games while Eli isn’t.
Three games, over Zara.
But fuck it. I don’t care. I’d do worse for her.
“Wrestling starts in October,Dad.Since Eli is the son you never had, you should know that.” I shove my hands in my pockets. “I’m gonna go.”
“Don’t you want to stay and wait for your mom?”
“Can’t,” I lie. “I’ve got a sociology test I need to study for before the party tonight.” Bullshit, and we both know it, but Dad doesn’t argue.
Instead, there’s a small smile on his haggard face. “Sociology, huh? You know that transitions well to pastoral care.”
“Dad.” I take a breath, clench my jaw a second. “We’ve been over this—”
“I know, I know.” He holds up his hands in surrender. I see his pale gold wedding band again. Every time I do, it pisses me off even more. He might as well pawn that shit off. We both know it doesn’t mean shit to him. “You don’t want to go into ministry. You’ll make a great lawyer anyway, Alex.”
“Great. Glad you get it.” I make to walk past him, but he claps a hand on my shoulder, and I freeze.
“But as good as your debate skills are, I need you to know that I’m telling the truth, son. I wouldn’t do that to your mother. Not again.”
Bullshit.
“Cool.”
What a pointless fucking stop.
33
Zara
There arecars parked along the quiet road of the island. And it is an island, we took a whole damn bridge to get here. A secluded little part of Grove Beach full of enormous beach homes built up on white stilts to protect against potential hurricanes.
The smell of the sea through the windows in Alex’s Jeep was enough to get my heart thrumming with anticipation, despite our stony ride of silence for the last half hour.
It’s been a while since I’ve been to the coast. I used to go with Mom a lot when I was a kid, but then things got weird between us and we just stopped going.
That was about the time I started using.
Maybe things didn’t get weird.I got weird.
Alex sits in silence after he pulls through the gravel drive, parking away from the grey and white house at our backs, all the outdoor lights on. It’s a three-story house that looks even bigger on the stilts. I hear the music but can’t quite make out what’s playing, and right under the carport, in the side view mirror, I see Eli’s black 370Z.
I think about that model car on his desk.
The one on his computer screen.
I imagine his hands on me at the pool.
