Page 125 of Ecstasy
“Zara,” Kylie sobs again, stepping toward me.
I take a step back. “No.” I close my eyes and say it again, “No. I’m fucking fine.”
Kylie comes closer. I can feel her in front of me. Hear her sniffle. “Zara. Alex said you...”
I clamp my hands over my ears. “I fucked them both.” I say it again, and again, and again. “I fucked them, I fucked them, I fucked them.”
Kylie pulls me into a hug, and I drop my hands, sagging against her. This is the end of it.
Everything laid bare.
This is the end.
“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper into her shoulder as she holds me, the sweet scent of her raspberry-scented shampoo filling my nostrils. “It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.”
“Zara...”
“Alex can go fuck himself.” My voice cracks, and I feel tears pricking behind my eyes, but I close them tight. No, no, no. He tried to drown me. He embarrassed me. He slipped a pill into my mouth.
He hurt me.
God, he hurt me so bad.
He almost made me think I deserved love. He almost made me love myself.
“Alex can fuck off,” I whisper, letting the tears spill down my cheeks as Kylie tightens her grip on me. “He thinks I’m crazy. He thinks I’m a slut. He...he...”
“He cares about you.” Kylie’s voice is a whisper and I feel my heart ache at her words, but I shake my head against her shoulder. She doesn’t know that. She warned me away from him. She doesn’t know him. She doesn’t know me, either. She has no idea.
“No. He hates...he hates me...”
“This isn’t about him, Za,” Kylie whispers, stroking my hair. “It’s not about him.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat.
“This isn’t about Alex or Eli...”
He told her. That motherfucker told her.
I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, my chin trembling. “I don’t understand...”
I hear the door to the apartment open. Cold air gusts in.
The door shuts.
I try to pull out of Kylie’s grip as I open my eyes. Footsteps come closer.
“This isn’t about them,” Kylie says again, still holding me.
“This is about you, princess,” Alex’s quiet voice says from the dark hall.
“I’m so sorry,” Kylie whispers, finally pulling back but not dropping her hands from my shoulders. “I’m so sorry but—”
“I’m not.” Alex’s dark gaze is locked on mine.
“You let him in here.” The words are little more than a whisper.
Kylie squeezes my shoulder. “I’m sorry but—”
