Page 9 of Ecstasy
He’s still holding my upper arms and I see, past him, a few people looking our way. We’re by the shallow end, I know that much. But even with the tiki torches and the underwater pool lights giving off enough light to see by in the darkness, I can’t tell much beyond that. I don’t know how close we are to the pool. I don’t know how close I am to the door to the house.
I don’t know how close I am to passing out.
I sway a little in his arms.
“You wanna swim?” he asks me. His words are kind of quiet, but he’s got that smirk on his face that means he’s up to no good.
I shake my head. “No,” I mumble, still touching his face. “That’s not a…” I trail off, unable to say what it is I really want to say.That’s not a good idea.
It’s not even that I don’t want to swim with him.
It’s not even because of what he just did.
It’s not even the way I taste blood in my mouth, and I think it must be because he forced that bottle down my throat.
It’s that if I get in that pool, I willdefinitelydrown.
But none of that comes out. The only words I can force out of my mouth are, “I’m drunk.”
Alex smiles, presses his forehead to mine.“Good.”
And I’m too drunk to feel angry at his words, or to remind him of what he just did. Instead, I swat my hand against his bare chest, and he catches it, threading his fingers through mine. He jerks his head toward the pool.
“Come on, let’s swim.”
I shake my head, my eyes fluttering closed. My body feels heavy.I’m messed up.I tell him that, my words slurred, but he must get what I’m saying because he speaks against my mouth.
“I won’t let you get hurt, Zara.”
My limbs feel loose and warm with his words. His touch. Alex is safe.Alex is safe.The past six months, we’ve fought and fucked and screamed and yelled but he’s safe. He’s taken care of my drunk ass more times than I’d really like to admit. He hasn’t told my mom that I’m not in recovery.
He hasn’t ever let me get hurt. He picked me up on the football field after his first game, the one he was suspended at, and twirled me around and kissed me in front of everyone.
He’s safe.
He’s safe.
So, I nod my head, knowing as I do that things are going to go downhill fast. But you’re only a senior in college once, right? And he won’treallyhurt me. He won’treallydrown me.
He wraps an arm around me and steers me toward the edge of the pool.
I hear a splash, see people sitting on the outdoor couches with drinks in their hands.
I think some people are looking at us, but I’m too drunk to see them clearly. I can barely see the edge of the fucking pool and I’m worried I’m going to drown sooner rather than later.
I kind of don’t care now.
Not right now anyway.
“It’s going to be cold, princess,” Alex warns me.
Music is playing out here.Limboby Salem.I love this song.I try to tell Alex that as I stare at the rippling blue surface of the water.
Alex’s fingers skim up my sides, making me shiver.
“I love this song, too,” he says softly.
Yeah. I knew that. We don’t agree on much, but we like the same music.
