Page 156 of Ecstasy
And I can understand that now.
“Yeah, baby?” Alex asks me.
“What’re you doing today?”
He smiles, but it’s sad.
He came over to the apartment, and I agreed to talk in his Jeep, not wanting to be in that place for another minute. Kylie came home Sunday, the day after Eli died. I’ve cried in her arms, but we haven’t spoken about it. And Mom… Mom is overbearing. I needed space from her. I need space from everyone.
Except Alex. Because he was there. He knows. He did it.He saved us both.
“Whatever you want,” Alex answers me.
I turn to stare out my window. “Let’s go to the beach?”
He squeezes my hand. “One condition.”
I let my eyes flutter closed, basking in the feel of his calloused fingers looped through mine. “Anything.”
He laughs. God, I love that laugh. Full of so much fucking life.
“In that case, maybe more than one condition.”
I turn my head and open my eyes, taking in his sharp jawline. Those beautiful lips. The line down the center of his bottom one.
So fucking attractive. Full of love. Like his soul.
I arch a brow. “Don’t test your luck, handsome.”
He smiles, his dimples flashing as he scrubs a hand over his tan face. “Shit,” he says softly.
“Hmm?”
“I love it when you call me that.” He laughs again. “Handsome.”
“Don’t dodge the question.”
He runs his thumb over the back of my hand. “Spend the weekend with me there.”
My eyes widen. “At your parent—”
“Hotel.”
I hold his gaze. Tell him what I’ve been thinking for nearly two weeks now. “I’m not very fun without the drugs, Alex.” It’s hard to get those words out. To get my mouth to acknowledge my heart’s fear. To confess to him what I’ve thought for some time. Why I almost chose Eli over him, even in the end.
Because Eli would’ve never expected me to get clean. Eli would’ve let me kill myself. It wasn’t his job to fix me, of course. But he would’ve left me when he graduated. He would’ve left me when my addiction spiraled out of control. And with that heroin, it would’ve been quick.
I can still feel it.
Alex presses his lips together, a crease between his brow. For a moment, we just stare at one another but then he finally says, “I much prefer you without them, Zara.”
I blow out a breath, trying to loosen that knot in my throat. “Makes one of us.”
I can still feel it, if I close my eyes and think back to that night. I can feel the ecstasy. The dream. The way the world hugged me tight like a warm blanket. And Eli was there in my perfect bubble, watching over me.
It made me so happy, so warm, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything but that moment.
It lasted for hours.
