Page 35 of Ecstasy
I should just tell Alex now. It wasn’t my fault anyway. I stopped it.
I should tell him.
But I’m not going to.
I’m fucking stupid.
I rub my thumb over my inner thigh, still naked as I sit on the couch. I think about the razor blades under the sink.
I think about how easy it would be.
No. I won’t do that. It’s been a few weeks since the last time. The one Eli hinted at. My body feels flushed when I think about him watching me then.
So, I don’t.
I push it from my mind. It’s a habit from when I was a teenager. It doesn’t really affect me now.
Nope.
I’m fine.
While I wait for Alex’s reply, I thumb through my contacts, and my dealer’s name, Jax, scrolls past the screen. I scroll back up, debate a second, and then shoot off a quick text to Jax in the event Alex doesn’t actually want to see me.
I can’t be alone.
Not tonight.
Jax takes no time to reply:Come over at 7. I’ve got some good shit.
He always has good shit, but I just send a smiley face back and throw down my phone. Fuck Alex. I don’t want to get involved in that shit anyway. Not tonight. I need some space too, fucker.
Now I’ve got to take a shower and get some damn clothes on before I head over to Jax’s to get all the way fucked up.
10
Zara
A little breathless,my black strappy heels dangling from my fingers, I finally make it the three miles to Jax’s house a few minutes past seven. He lives in Shadow Lakes, which is a neighborhood known for its wild parties, edging Caven’s campus. This is where I first met Alex.
I push him from my mind. I know he won’t be here. He was only at Jax’s party that night back in March because he was picking up some pot for a friend.
I met Jax through a mutual friend that goes to ECU, and he’s saved my life since that stint in rehab, which incidentally was the same time Mom sold my car. My mother, and other responsible adults might disagree with that assessment, but I’m clearly not a responsible adult.
I slide my shoes back on, run the back of my hand over my brow and take a deep breath.
My heart is pumping at the thought of what Jax has in store for me tonight, and probably from the three-mile walk in the September heat, but I’m stoked I’m here before anyone else. I didn’t take anything save for that tequila and the Addie I did earlier. I don’t want any other drugs to fuck with what Jax has.
I flick my braids over my shoulder and straighten my hot pink crop top.
Now that I’m here, walking up his driveway, I realize it’s actually a little cool outside, a slight breeze making the little hairs on my arms stand on end, wicking against the sweat slick on my skin.
The heels of my shoes click on the pavement as I head up to his white, ranch-style home situated at the end of the cul-de-sac. Perfect for parties.
Jax has a well-tended flower garden which makes me laugh a little, but over the summer, I learned it’s one of his hobbies. Go fucking figure.
I reach out to ring the doorbell but he’s already pulling open the door, a big smile on his face and a beer in his hand. I smell tobacco and weed as he opens the screen door for me and I step inside, hugging him back as he throws one arm around me.
He shuts the door behind me, and I glance around his tidy living room; grey carpets and a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall across from black leather couches. I spin around and find him looking me up and down, nodding his approval.
