Page 59 of Ecstasy
I should put my phone away. Every text I send is just more damning than the last, and Alex might’ve forgiven me for the bullshit Eli lied about, but if he were to see these texts, he definitely wouldn’t.
Then again, Eli would be fucking himself, too. He can’t lie about this.
I don’t know,I reply.I just want to experience everything, I admit.
Me:And then…then I’ll be good.
He doesn’t start typing for so long, I think he’s gone to sleep. I think I should probably do that too considering I have class in the morning, but just as I’m about to plug my phone back into charge, he sends me another text.
Him:You already are so good, baby girl.
17
Zara
“How was class?”Kylie asks me on Monday, tucking a lock of dark hair behind her ear and bringing the straw from her mango smoothie to her lips. “You look worried,” she adds before she takes a drink.
I throw my green backpack into the booth at Oasis, one of the little on-campus cafes. The walls are all painted Caven orange, and the place smells faintly of mildew, so it’s not my favorite, but Kylie wanted to meet for lunch today.
I had philosophy and ethics this morning, and I’m pretty sure I bombed my ancient Greek philosophy exam.
I ended up taking an Adderall to study after Eli went to sleep last night.
Instead, I stayed up until the sun rose reading Marcus Aurelius’Meditations, which one would think would help me with the exam. Except he was Roman. Not Greek.
I slouch down in the booth as Kylie sips her smoothie, staring and waiting for me to answer her question. For a second, I think about asking her about Alex. About what Eli said. But I know Eli is just trying to start shit.
Still, thinking about him makes me feel all…warm.
Ugh.
“I think I just failed an exam,” I admit to Kylie, trying to push thoughts of Eli from my mind.
She quirks a brow and pulls her smoothie away from her mouth as she swallows it down. “Oh, no. That’s not good. What was it on?”
Considering I know Kylie is taking shit like organic chem, I don’t really want to tell her. But I do anyway: “Ancient Greek philosophy. I studied the wrong thing.” Kind of true. I knew Aurelius wouldn’t be on the exam, but I’m not about to tell her I stayed up all night texting my ex’s best friend, then ended up high in my bedroom readingMeditations.
I shrug, blow out a breath. “Anyway, it’s okay. I’ll live.”
“How’s your GPA?” she asks me, which seems like a personal question, but I realize, if my GPA was decent, it wouldn’t be.
Still. I clear my throat and sit up a little straighter, looking over her head at the checkout counter of Oasis, watching the lady at the register add whipped cream to an iced coffee. Fuck, I want that. But I’ve got to ration out the money Mom sends me. I can’t be spending it all willy-nilly on things like iced coffee when I’ve got things like illegal drugs to buy.
“It’s okay,” I answer Kylie, meeting her gaze. “Yours? You applying to pharm schools yet?”
She wraps her small hands around her plastic cup, grinning. I’ve noticed talking about her future as a pharmacist gets her super excited. I wish I felt like that about something.
“Yeah, I’ve sent out a few applications already, but I hope I get into Caven’s program. Ian has already been accepted to the med school,” she gushes, her cheeks turning the slightest bit pink.
God, I wish I felt that way about someone too.
As if on cue, my phone vibrates in the back pocket of my jeans and I know that pattern. Kylie keeps going on about how great Caven’s pharmacy program is while I lean over and grab my phone, glancing at the screen.
Yep. Alex.
Him:I want to see you.
Him:Tonight.
