Page 117 of Boy of Ruin
“Fuck you. He fucked me, three fucking times, and you fucking deserve it!” I slap my palm against his chest and he flinches, still staring at me. I hit him again. “I fucking hate you. Why are you even here?” I’m screaming the words, my hand going to his throat this time, digging my nails in as I get in his face and he walks backward, coming up against the wall.
“Why the fuck are you here? Why didn’t you just leave me?” I let go of him, slap him, hard, but he doesn’t even move, he just keeps staring at me, his nostrils flared. “Why the fuck are you here, and where is Jeremiah?”
Moments pass.
I drop my hand.
We’re both breathing hard.
Then he slaps me.
The sound echoes in the living room. Nothing follows in its wake.
I’m frozen.
Paralyzed.
He’s never…he’s never done that before. Not when we weren’t fucking.
I’m not even breathing as I stare at him, my mouth open, hands by my sides. I feel unsteady on my feet because he couldn’t possibly have just done that.
His lips twist as he stares at me, his eyes narrowed. “You lied to me. You fucking lied to me.”
His chest rises and falls rapidly, his hands curled into fists.
I still feel where he slapped me.
And Jeremiah too, earlier today. But I wanted that. I allowed it. This…this is different.
This is a fucking line he should have never crossed, but the past few months, that seems to be just his thing.
There’s no coming back from this.
And even if there were, it doesn’t matter.
I bring a hand to my face. “Let me see him. Right fucking now, Lucifer, or I will never go back with you.”
He doesn’t laugh like I thought he might with my threat. Instead, his eyes flutter closed, his brows pinched together. And I feel for him.
In this moment, I feel for him. For all the ways he’s missed me. But I remember what Jeremiah told me.
Lucifer knew he was in that cage.
The tremor in his hand. The ways he’s insane. Not quite there.
Lucifer helped do that.
“Don’t say that,” he whispers, slicing through my thoughts. “You will. And you didn’t really…you didn’t really fuck him.”
Despite the anger I try to hold onto, my heart aches. Even still, my eyes dart to the door, wondering where my brother is. What they’ve done to him. I need to get to him.
I need to see him.
“I hate myself for leaving you.” The words come out in a rush, and I know Lucifer is surprised when his eyes fly open, his lips parted. I’m fucking surprised.
He steps closer, brings his hand up gently to my face as I drop mine. He smooths his thumb over where he slapped me.
I take a deep breath, wanting to get it all out. Wanting to find my brother. “But you know it wasn’t safe for me—”
