Page 180 of Boy of Ruin
He just looks…confused.
His eyes flick to mine, and my skin feels too hot. Uncomfortable, his thumb still over the carved initial on my belly, his other hand resting on my thigh. I see the muscles of his arms flex as he’s half-leaned over me.
I see his Unsaint’s tattoo, littered with scars.
I’m watching all of that, avoiding his eyes, that when he finally says, “Fuck, I must be tripping,” and forces a laugh, I don’t understand what he means.
Not at first.
He moves his hand from my thigh, rakes it through his curls as he shakes his head, laughing again. “I thought…” His thumb traces over the J, and his eyes dip down again, then back up to me. “I thought that this was real.” A manic smile forms on his face, and I feel like I’m going to throw up.
My stomach convulses, but his eyes are on mine, still running his thumb over the letter. Three inches long, a perfect J.
Jeremiah, it seems, is good with a knife.
“But that’s not…that’s not really there, is it, baby girl?” He smiles down at me, his sleepy eyes crinkling as he does. He doesn’t look like a demon right now. Doesn’t look like a man who wants to eat me alive at all costs.
He just looks…hopeful. Exhausted.
A little nervous.
I bite my cheek. Glance behind my husband as I hear movement. Mav and Ella are getting dressed, Mav pulling his shirt down over his abs as he flicks his gaze to me, and it’s so subtle I almost don’t notice it, but I know that he just shook his head.
No.
A warning? A plea?
I take a shaky breath in, using my abs to lean myself up as I meet Lucifer’s gaze, still searching mine, just like his thumb is still tracing that scar.
“No,” I tell him, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby.” My voice breaks as my heart cracks.
But he doesn’t seem to notice.
Or maybe he just really needs to believe this lie.
His mouth pulls up into a smile, and he glances down at the initial carved into my extended low belly, but only for a second. Then his hands are sliding up my body, and he’s pulling me to him, onto his lap.
I wrap my arms around his back as he holds me, breathing me in.
“I love you, Lilith.”
I close my eyes tight, holding back the tears. I think of Ophelia. Julie. Ella. Jeremiah. All of the Unsaints.
I think of all of our damage.
I know he’s only saying this now because he’s coming down from the DMT. I know none of this is behind us. But exhaustion weighs heavy on my eyelids and I just sigh against him, inhaling his pine and nicotine scent.
I know he’s got too many demons.
His dad. Coke. His stepmom.
I just wish I wasn’t one of them too.
I hold him tighter. “I love you too, baby,” I tell him, and feel a hot tear streak down my nose.
I see them fucking.
Curling my fingers around the hilt of the knife, I smile to myself, listening to her fake moans, seeing his hand gripping the gilded headboard of their bed.
