Page 38 of Boy of Ruin
She sighs, tries to walk away. I squeeze her tit tighter, dig my fingers into her skin too, just above her running tights. “We aren’t… Just fucking let me go,” she snarls, the last sentence angry.
I close my eyes tight, reminding myself she needs time. She just needs time. I mean, I’ve known her since she was fucking two years old, but I guess nineteen years for her hasn’t been enough goddamn time for her to figure out I love her more than I’ll ever love anyone else in the world.
But I can’t do it.
I can’t let her go.
Not yet.
“Sid,” I whisper in her ear, feel her shiver in my arms, against my chest. I trail my hand up, dip my fingers into her shirt cupping her soft, smooth skin, feeling her hard nipple against my palm.
She still doesn’t fight me off. I’m not even sure she’s fucking breathing.
“Give in to me.” My voice is hoarse at that plea, and for a long, long moment, we don’t speak. I keep kneading her flesh, pinching and pulling at her nipple. She whimpers, a sound caught in her throat, and I can feel her pulse under my hand.
She’s nearly shaking with her restraint, and fuck, I just want her.
I fucking want her.
But then she jerks out of my grip, spins around, and before I can say a word, she slaps me across the fucking face.
I grit my teeth, balling my hands into fists as I flex my jaw, turning back to glare down at her. “What the fuck was that?” I want to go for that fucking bandana on her throat. I want to pin her down and make her scream and cry. I want to hurt her, just as I want to protect her from everything in the world.
Everything except me.
Her chest is heaving, her brow furrowed. “You can’t do that,” she says, her words laced with rage even as her eyes flick down to my hard cock. “You can’t do this to me.”
I bite my tongue, close my eyes. Then I see him. I feel him. Fucking pissing on me in that cave. I see him leaving me in the fucking cage. My eyes spring open and I take a step toward her, satisfied when she flinches. But she doesn’t step back.
She’s the only girl in the fucking world who isn’t afraid of me. Most of the time, I love that. Sometimes, though, I fucking hate it.
“Why not?” I demand, throwing up my hands, knowing what she’s thinking about. Who she’s thinking of. “You think he wants you back? You trying to be a good girl, for him?”
Something like pain flits across her face and I want to slap it off of her.
“Where is he, baby? Where the fuck is he? He hasn’t come for you. He hasn’t called. He’s just fucking fine without you.” I drop one hand, the other closing into a fist that comes to my heart. “But I’m not Sid. Without you, I’m not fucking fine. Can’t you see that shit? Are you that fucking stupid?”
I drop my hands, waiting for her to say something.
Anything.
I see the anger in her eyes. I know something bad is coming. I know it, and yet when she says, “We aren’t lovers, Jeremiah. I’m not…we’re not fucking like that.”
When she steps closer, her finger going to my chest, on my bare, wet skin, I feel my heart already cracking, preparing for what’s coming next. “You know I love you. I fucking love you, but not like that.” Her voice breaks on the last words, and her finger turns into her palm flat against my chest as she hangs her head. “I’m not the one to save you, even though I want to. God, I fucking want to.”
I grab her waist, pulling her closer. She looks up, startled, but she doesn’t try to get away. And I mean every fucking word when I tell her, “You can. You have. You do. Without you, Sid, I wouldn’t still be here. And we can be like that.”
Her silver eyes search mine, and I wonder what she sees when she looks at me. With her hand still flat against my heart, mine around her waist, I wonder if she sees how much I love her.
As much as I can love anyone, anyway.
I wonder if she knows I’ve always tried to save her. From Lucifer, from the Unsaints, from every bad thing in the world. I’ve killed for her. If I thought she’d be safer, I’d die for her. The things I’ve gone through? If they had happened to her…
She’s already been through too much.
“Let go of me.”
Her words make my blood run cold. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. She drops her hand, tries to step away from me.
