Page 185 of Ominous: Part 1
“Okay.” I say the word anyway, giving in to dreams of us together, even while we’re in college, knowing it’s all a lie. But what else can I do? I know this will end. When we graduate, I have this gut feeling Eli will do “out of sight, out of mind,” far better than anyone ever could. If I’m not around to entertain him—and going to two different schools, I won’t be—then he will find a way to ease his boredom elsewhere.What could I ever do about it?
“Okay,” he repeats, like it’s settled, if a little precariously. He drags his mouth along my jawline, causing goosebumps to erupt all over my skin, my nipples tightening as my eyes flutter closed for a second, my fingers still tangled in his shirt. “Okay,” he says again, against the base of my throat. He licks a line up it, and I shiver, but before anything else can happen, when I feel everything wound up tight and I want to forget about these broken promises and what our future looks like, he lets go of me and leans back in his seat, staring up at me. “Just like that?Okay?”His voice sounds almost… scared.
I blink, my eyes heavy, veins sticky with lust.I want him right here.“What else do you want?” I ask quietly. His abrupt shifts in mood throw me off, like he tries to be assertive when he’s feeling timid, but it all overwhelms him sometimes, and I imagine putting on an act every day can make you fray a little at the edges.
“I want you to mean it when you say things like that to me.”
“I do mean it.” And I do. I just know it can’t be true.
He runs both hands over my ribcage, his thumbs grazing the underside of my breasts, my shirt still buttoned to my throat. “Do you?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know? How do you know you want this so much?”
It could be a confusing question, but I have the answer all the same. I don’t have to reach back far for the memory ofhow I know. “Thinking of you with her…” I don’t need to say who. But I shake my head, the words trailing off as he glides his hands up higher, over my arms, to the back of my neck, my hair spilling down my back. He presses his fingers to the side of my throat, and I hold his gaze even as I falter.
“Tell me, baby.”
“Makes me feel physically ill. And not just her. If it was anyone…”
He studies me a moment, his thumb tracing circles at the base of my skull. Then he nods. “I felt the same way when I saw Dominic’s mouth on you.” His words are cold, enough to make my body feel tense with something almost like fear. “At my house. In the library.”
I smile, ignoring how that night in my car, he turned his inaction against me by throwing Luna in my face. “So next time Luna touches you, I can break her nose?”
He leans his head back against the seat, still holding on tight to me. “I would fuck you right there if you did.”
My smile falters. It’s a joke, but it’s not.
It’s like he needs someone to fight for him.It’s like he wants my jealousy because it makes him feel loved.
I think of his bruises, the matching ones on his dad.Love.
I decide right here, now, in this moment, if this is all we have, I don’t want analmostrelationship.
If this is all we have, if this is going to break my heart into fucking pieces, if I’m going to cry over this boy when he inevitably leaves me and I, him, thenI want all of it.More than the one time, I want to keep doing this, over and over and fucking over until he’s sick of me.
I shift forward, bringing my center closer to the bulge in his pants, my skirt hiked up dangerously close to the tops of my thighs, barely concealing my underwear.
His gaze becomes guarded, and surprising me, he drops his hands from me, clenching them into fists at his sides.
When he speaks, I hear the hoarseness in his words. “Eden.” It’s like a warning. “I don’t think I should fuck you in my car—”
I dig my fingertips into his shirt as I look into his eyes. “Stop.”
I hear his breath hitch.
“I know I’m safe.”I protect you.I hear the words inside my mind. “Be in control,” I tell him. “Do anything you want.”Touch me, touch me, touch me.I drag my fingers down the length of his hard body, feeling the ridges of muscle in his skin, stopping at the hem of his shirt and twisting it in my hands, wanting it off of him. I think again of his dad, and their fights, and the complicated relationship Eli probably has with everyone around him. How scared he is I’ll run because I’m sure everyone has at some point in time. Even his dad is barely hanging on by a thread. How must that feel, to be unwanted by your own parents?
I think of what Dom said about his mom leaving him.
Even Reece has never suggested Mom abandon me. We hate each other and he’s never once tried to kick me out or said I should live with my dad.
My heart aches for this boy beneath me.
“Anything, Eli. Do anything. It’s not the first time anymore.”Touch me now.
Slowly, like he might scare me or himself if he goes any faster, his strong fingers come to my thighs, his middle ones just under the hem of my skirt. My muscles twitch with his touch.
