Page 270 of Ominous: Part 1
I let my eyes close, bringing my hands to my core, fingers wide and a smile on my face.
The scent of marijuana and the ocean is a salve, the boys like bookends beside me an indulgence. For now, everything is settled. Everything is behind us.
“It’s this,” Eli says, his voice low.
I feel like I’m spinning. Floating. I keep my eyes closed.
“Remember the first time we got high with Winslet?” Dom’s words are so quiet.
“I remember.” There’s something sexy in Eli’s voice. More than usual.
It’s… disturbing to me, and I don’t know why.
My heartbeat is climbing higher in my chest, and my medicine is in my bag, on the floor, and paranoia seems to seep through my high. I felt it earlier, before this conversation, after I smoked the first shared joint with Dominic and Eli on the living room floor while Jasper and Janelle spoke, sober, on the couch.
The creeping panic then felt like a knowledge of time passing. The clock on the wall—matte black and white, analog—ticking seconds by, contributed. The music was loud then—it’s softer now, “Take On the World”by You Me At Six, playing from Eli’s phone somewhere—but I could still hear the shift of time.
I started to think I might be high forever.
I chewed all my nails, but Dominic and Eli volleyed conversation back and forth, and I sat propped up against the latter, until he decided we should head to bed, but Dominic came, and no one told him to leave.
I try to swallow down my panic attack.
I try to breathe in. Out. With closed eyes, the room feels like it’s spinning faster. I open my eyes, digging my fingers into the thin fabric of my shirt to ground myself.
“She was so happy.” Dom sighs the words more than says them.
Eli is quiet. He passes the joint to me, and when I turn my head to tell him no, I’m good, dark green circled with black sucks me in. His face reflects some sort of… tenderness. He never acts as if he hurts, unless he’s lashing out. But maybe Winslet meant more to him than he lets on.
I take the joint, nearly finished.
I bring it to my lips, and Eli turns on his side, propping his head up in his hand, watching me as I breathe in, holding smoke in my lungs. I give the joint to Dominic without looking at him.
He takes it.
Eli is still staring down at me.
“Sometimes, you remind me of her.” It’s Dom who says that, and I know without looking, he’s talking to me. “She was smart, and soft, but…” He clears his throat.
I gaze up at Eli.
“She was so fucking dark too.”
A second passes. Then, Eli dives down without warning, breathing in some of the smoke I held in my mouth, but his lips are on mine before it all flows through my lungs.
I startle, a reflex, but I reach for him instead of away.
I’m gripping his shoulders, my body pivoted toward him as his tongue demands entry into my mouth, and I give in, melting as I do, closing my eyes, surrendering.
Despite his sudden pounce, this kiss is strangely gentle.Passionate.He grabs my wrists, even so, positions them both over my head. He pulls my body down lower with one arm, then climbs on top of me.
“She was so, so dark,” he echoes Dom, his voice quiet, and I don’t know if he’s talking about me, or Winslet. His fingers are gentle around the bones of my wrist. I think of the name there, scarred into my skin.
I think of his text when I sent him the picture of the razorblade.
I want to do it.
He nudges his nose to mine, and I realize Dominic is curiously still beside us.
