Page 100 of Like Grim Death: Part One
Her: Arlo sent me home again to help search. I don’t know what to do. Life feels like it should fucking stop for me. I need you, Atlas.
Empathy floods me, more than usual, and the feel of it, warm and sticky beneath my skin, disgusts me. I want to turn it off, but I don’t know how. All I can imagine inside my head is Natalie’s dark hair, her bright smile. Her arms around mine as she hangs onto my neck, hugging me tight. Her Bohemian sense of style with too much yellow, it was like looking at the sun when she was around, and it was dangerous like that too because I could never take my eyes off her.
Pinprick pupils, cold sweats, feverish skin.More,she wanted.More.I pretended to disapprove. I scolded her, chiding her lightly, but what else did I do?
I handed her what she wanted. I put a smile back on her face. She slimmed down for castings, she was happy, her agent was happy. Then Arlo Estere got to her and I didn’t know until my father told me, but I sure as fuck didn’t do anything when she finally called and told me she was cast in one of his films.
I’m fucking her up.
I unlock my phone, opening my contacts. I scroll down to Natalie’s name in my phone, just to see it.Natalia.A yellow heart. For one second, a wave of nerves crashes through me and recklessness threatens to drown my obedience. The things I know Imustdo. I want to call her. Tell her never to go back to Virginia. For now, they’ll let her leave. She’s free to come and go and the more empathy Arlo Estere shows her, the better. The more likely she is to return to Shadow Villa. She might even fuck him if I keep ignoring her and…
Fuck.
I don’t have time for this. I scroll back up to the girl I am damning in ways she can’t even begin to understand.
EC.
I dial the number and hold the phone to my ear, listening to the tinny sound of the ring stretching further into Alexandria, reaching toward Corpus Avenue.
Three rings and I think she won’t answer. She loves Maverick, but she’s starting to care for me too, isn’t she? She thinks we’re friends.
My palm grows itchy as I hold tight to my phone.
“Atlas?” Her question echoes Samson’s. Same innocence and naivety, it’s like a weight on my chest.
Atlas, Atlas, Atlas?
I want to scream.I can’t fucking save you. Run. Leave. Forget him. Forgetme.
I don’t speak for a moment, squeezing my eyes closed. I should hang up. There’s nothing for me to say. But Friday night before I arrived in this hell, when everyone else was meeting here and I got to skip it because of my father’s tasks for me and Cain was allowed to leave early because of his own secrets, she was scared, and yet she fought me with everything she had. And before that, when she realized it was me in her bathroom, I felt her body relax for half a second. Maybe less. But in that moment, she thought, mistakenly, I was someone who would look out for her.
Don’t you know I’m hunting you, baby?
“Atlas?” Again. “Are you okay?” It’s genuine, her concern. She asked about Samson too, in front of Cain, even. She showed she cared. I think of how many times my hands have been on her body. Her sweat touching my skin. Always determined, if slightly embarrassed when she can’t get something just right.
“I’m okay, Ella.” I whisper the words in the holy quiet of the church. My tongue is like sandpaper and my voice comes out hoarse.
“Is Maverick okay?” Nervous and anxious for us, I want to break her little neck for it.
Run away from me, Ella. Run the fuck away. Look out foryou.
But she must be thinking the same thing, or reflecting on thelast timewe met, with Cain too, when we ran a drill inside her house to see how good she is at defending herself. “Or do you want to apologize for scaring the fuck out of me Friday night?”
I smile at her snarly tone, the way she can flip like a switch and I know the pills I gave her make it worse, but I ignore it. “You’re going to meet someone in two days.” After Lucifer has his alone time with Sevryn. Another fucked up bond in our brotherhood. “And I need you to promise me something, okay?” I don’t know how the meeting will go, even where it will happen, but I’m certain Lucifer won’t want Sevryn alone with his wife. Not in the beginning. Not ever, if he’s smart. Which means he might push Sevryn onto Ella.
“The initiate.” Ella breathes the words. She’s catching on.You need to catch on faster. Think quicker.
“Are you listening?”
“Yes,” she whispers. I hear it, her wide-eyed optimism. She feels important, me telling her this. Like she belongs. Maverick wants to keep her separate. I think he doesn’t mind the fact that she and Sid dislike each other. It keeps both of them needing him, in different ways.
Maybe he doesn’t even consciously know it, but I can see it. It’s his need for control. He wants to hold both of their leashes.
But my meetings with Ella, this stolen call… I’m giving her what she’s always wanted. A twisted sense of belonging.
“No matter what he says…” I trail off, and it’s like I canfeelher holding her breath.“Don’t trust him.”
My first thoughtis of her.My wife.
