Page 120 of Like Grim Death: Part One
A whisper in the night.
“Lucifer?”
I pull open the bathroom door, but only darkness spills out.
Still, I see a shadow, sitting up.
Lilith.
“Is that you?” Her voice is thick with sleep.
“Yeah, baby girl.” I clear my throat, thinking of my hands. “Just one second, okay?” I don’t wait for her answer. Instead, I duck into the bathroom, flip on the faucet to the sink in the dark, and with scalding hot water, I wash my hands, shoving up the sleeves of my hoodie to get up past my wrists. Then, still moving blindly with no light, I dry my hands on the hand towel hanging from the rack on the wall. Lastly, I pull off my hoodie in case it has blood on it, draping it over the ledge of our tub.
I come back out, making my way to the bed. I sink down onto the king-sized mattress, firm beneath me as I catch Lilith’s scent, like lavender. She’s warm and sleepy when her shoulder brushes mine, and I’m shocked as her head leans against me.
I don’t move, worried I’ll fuck this up if I do.I don’t deserve this tonight and I don’t deserveyouin this lifetime.Those thoughts rarely come to me, but tonight, they’re heaving in my brain.
“You’re back.” Her voice is low and throaty, and it does things to my dick. I feel it straining against my boxer briefs and my sweats, but I don’t otherwise move.
“Yeah. I’m back.” I wonder if she’s happy. Or maybe she likes it when I’m gone.
She turns her face, pressing it against my arm, and her small thigh comes up beside mine. I know from seeing it, her feet dangle off the floor. My high-tops are solid against the hardwoods, and the comparison in my mind makes me smile. I don’t let myself remember how her feet dangled from the back of the ambulance on the film. I don’t think about all the ways I couldn’t protect her when she really needed someone.
“I left the light on for you,” she says.
My pulse hammers in my ribcage with those words, a tingling under my skin where her face is against my arm. Electricity zips between us, and I’m so shocked at what she said, I can’t find any words.
“I missed you.” She speaks again when I don’t.
I blink in the dark, wanting her to repeat it. This is unlike her. She doesn’t ever act… like this. And we fought before I left. We fucked hard too, but it was the fighting that left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Yeah?” I whisper, careful with my tone. Scared this is all some kind of weird setup. Or maybe she cheated on me. Maybe she fucked Mav. Maybe that’s why she’s being so sweet and I shouldn’t feel guilty at all about Monday and the guys. Maybe I should’ve let Monday really fuck me.
Anger starts to replace love inside my veins, my body tensing as irrational thoughts dance through my mind.
But Sid laughs against my arm, a sound I rarely ever hear, and it’s like my nervous system automatically relaxes. “Just shut up and say you missed me too.”
A smile pulls on my lips, despite my misgivings. I breathe a little easier. “I did miss you.” I mean it so much. “How was Rainy?”
A second passes in silence, then she…grabs me. Her arms come to either side of my body, thrown around my shoulders, and she’s cuddling up to me in a way she never has before.
I’m frozen, my body rigid. I’m used to her touch. Every inch of her I know so fucking well. Our demons fight beautifully together. But this lightness in the dark… it’s strange. Fucking her, bruising her, my hand over her mouth, her nails down my back, my teeth in her skin, all of that we can do without any hesitation.
But this is brand new, and I’m already terrified it won’t last.
What kind of person does that make me? Scared to death his wife’s hugs will vanish into the ether? Be a fucking man.The words don’t even sound like me in my head though. They’re someone else. Someone buried in the ground, ashes scattered around them from a church my half-brother burned.
“Lilith?” I whisper her holy name in the dark, unmoving as she claws her fingertips into my shirt, holding onto me, her head resting on my shoulder. “How was Rainy?” I try again because I don’t know what else to say.
“Good,” she answers me, the word muffled against my clothes. “He was good, baby. Loving the attention.”
My throat feels tight. “Are you okay with everyone here?” I haven’t told her about Sevryn, but I’m not fucking up this moment. All the ones I’ve already fucked flash through my head. Rum down her throat at Lover’s Death. Getting so fucking drunk I couldn’t pay attention. Letting my father’s plan put her in that cell at Sanctum. The way she was kneeling as a sacrifice on the steps of that altar. Holding a lit cigarette to her face.Slapping her when I found her in the cabin of Jeremiah’s.
There’s an ache in my gut. A burn behind my eyes. I think, maybe, I feel regret. She deserves better.Wedeserve better.
“Yeah,” she whispers. “I’m fine.”
No, you’re not, baby girl.Despite this moment, I know we aren’t fine. This is just what happens in the dark. All of our demons are cast in shadows, and we can pretend we’re okay here because the good and bad, it all looks the same under the cover of night.
