Page 144 of Like Grim Death: Part One
“I don’t trust him.” I don’t think about my answer when I blurt it out. It’s true. I don’t. At all. “If he wasn’t with Lucifer tonight, I would not have left Rain.” I feel as if I need to make that clear, like I’m a bad mom if I don’t. “I don’t like leaving him as it is—”
“Hey, you don’t have to do that shit with me.” Cain’s face softens, some of the hard, indifferent edges gone as he stares at me. “I know you’re a good mom. You need to know it too.You are.”
There’s a pressure behind my eyes. I grip the bandana in both hands, twisting the fabric. Something thick swells in my throat, and I blink, trying to swallow down all of my emotions.
But Cain doesn’t let me dwell on his compliment. On those words that mean the fucking world to me, in ways he cannot possibly understand. “Your instincts are good. Don’t let your guard down.”
I fight back the lump in my throat and ask, “What do you know? About everything going on? Sevryn,RC,Samson? Tell me something.” I glance around us, my fingers still playing in the bandana. “You know I’m good for a secret.”
He studies me for a moment, eyes unreadable. Then he says, “I know what you’re trying to do.” His tone is flat, not condescending. “You want to save the kids.” A smile curves his lips, but I do my best not to react to his words.
Save the kids.I mean, it’s not exactly how I’d describe it. It just doesn’t feel right, knowing we’re brushing shoulders with men who would do to other children what they did to me. But I’m not trying to be a hero. I just want it to stop.
Cain licks his top lip, eyeing me like he’s sizing me up. “My mother, Cyra, wanted to do the same thing.” For the first time, he breaks eye contact, glancing at the ground. “It’s not working out so well for her right now. Or my father.” He lifts his gaze, staring at me again. “Stay away from the secrets. Once you catch them, they’ll catchyou,and there’s nothing you’d be able to do anyway.”
I’ve got more questions than answers now though, and I fist my hands in the bandana. “I don’t want to sit around and watch,” I protest. “What did your mom do?” Maybe I could work with her. I’ve never met any of them, the 6’s wives. Maybe I’ve been trying to talk to the wrong people in the Unsaints. Perhaps it’s the women who could help me. “What’s happening to her?”
Cain’s grip on the water bottle tightens, the plastic crinkling as his eyes seem to shift to black. I think he’s going to tell me to fuck off, or not say anything at all. But finally, his broad chest expanding as he inhales, he says, “Liar’s Island. That’s all I’m giving you.” He nods his head once, in a way to indicate we’re done here. “Don’t come asking me more questions when you fall down the rabbit hole, Lilith.” Then he turns his broad back on me and walks deeper into the gym, leaving me staring after him with the nickname lacing through my brain, lodging itself somewhere in my heart.
* * *
Brooklin comes into the foyer quietly, her blood red leather bag over one shoulder, keys in her other hand. I know she was going to quietly leave after using the bathroom before her drive while I got Rain from his crib, but now, her blue eyes lock onto mine and she stops, like she’s startled.
I hold Rain in both hands, his head over my shoulder, one arm around his back and the other beneath his bottom as I sit on the last step of the staircase in the foyer. His tiny breaths warm my heart, and for a moment, staring at Maverick’s sister, none of the usual coolness I feel towards her is there.
Briefly, I think of Maverick’s outburst with Atlas a few nights ago that both Brooklin and I witnessed. Not for the first time, I wonder what exactly is going on inside his head. Maybe he needs me as much as I need him right now. Perhaps he needs meandhis other sister.
Brooklin’s lips turn downward and her eyes narrow, fingers tightening along the strap of her bag, dragging me back to this moment.
My head is fuzzy with that need for sleep which hasn’t relented in the slightest and my body is sore from running and all these workouts I’m doing behind my husband’s back.
Now, there’sLiar’s Island,and Cain’s mother to contend with. But I looked the place up and I found nothing that meant anything to me. I don’t know if it’s a metaphor, a real place. I don’t know shit, and now I’ve only got another mystery making my head spin.
I stare at Brooklin, wanting to talk to her about all of this, but she always seems so frustrated with me. At the very least, annoyed.
Does she see J when she looks at me? Because the longer she stares, the more he’s inside my head like he never left and maybe Brooklin and I both realize he never will. Jeremiah Rain is a storm that stays, a scar over the landscape of your heart.
I had what she didn’t. Time with him, time with Maverick, and a thousand chances with my demonic soulmate. Maybe she resents me for it, the way things worked out for me and maybe not yet for her.
“Thanks for watching Rain.” I force myself to say it, even though the gratitude isn’t natural for me. For too long, I didn’t have anyone to thank for a fucking thing.
She smirks, her high cheekbones lifting upward as she does. Everything about Brooklin is cuttingly beautiful, not so different from her brother in that way.
Mybrother.
Him and I are half-siblings, but it’s hard to remember it’s true too, with Brooklin.
“He’s a very good baby.” She glances at Rain in my arms, full now, the bottle beside my thigh on the stairs. I watch her smile a little even as her tone mirrors mine. Grudging.
I bend my head to kiss his, wondering if I’m anywhere near a very good mom, like Cain said I was.
I let my eyes flutter closed as I breathe in Rain’s scent, holding him closer.
Before I can say anything, Brooklin speaks again. “And Lucifer… he’s helped me out.”
I snap open my eyes, lifting my chin to gaze at her. But she’s staring at the floor, the tips of her leather heels. “Gum, he said.” She laughs a little, but it sounds sad. I know she’s talking about replacing one addiction with another, because Lucifer has been going through gum like crazy, trying to cut back on smoking. “I’m glad… you’re with him.” She raises her eyes to mine. I heard the faintest inflection on her last word. “Being with J…”
My heart twists inside my chest. I see the same pain reflected on Brooklin’s face as she lets her eyes squeeze shut for one second. Jeremiah was there for her when the rest of the Unsaints weren’t—her brother included—because of a night of fun she craved.Deserved,arguably.
