Page 201 of Like Grim Death: Part One
“You’re never going to behisagain.” He speaks the words against my clit, his warm breath causing me to tremble as I lower my eyes to his. “You’re never going to beJere-fucking-miah’s.”There’s venom in his words as my body tenses. I don’t know why he brings J up now, except maybe… I wouldn’t be surprised if Jeremiah threatened him never to do coke again. My heart kind of aches, thinking of it. “I will drag you to hell myself if I have to so we’re never apart. We rule it together, andno oneis beside us.” Then he thrusts his tongue into my hole, and I grip his curls tighter, my eyes closed and visions of Lucifer and I watching hell burn around us dancing through my head.
His tongue slipsinto my mouth, and he tastes sogood.But Maverick tastes better, and the drug must not be working its way through my system enough yet because regret seizes me like a fist.
“No,” I whisper, my hands coming to his chest, pushing him away even as he crowds me against the door. “This is wrong,” I say over his lips. “We can’t do this.”
He doesn’t move at first, staring down at me as his chest heaves beneath my palms. For one wild, corrupted second, I wonder if he’ll force me.
I wonder if he’s even worse than what I’ve seen him slowly start to become. Maybe he only just recently slipped up the mask for me instead of showing his true face.
His arms cage me in, his hand no longer down my pants, and his eyes trap me beneath his gaze like he’s deciding at this moment how far he wants to take this. But I know Atlas, don’t I? Pieces of him, anyway. He isn’t as dark as his brothers, not truly,is he?
But as he studies me, I find I don’t know the answer to that question at all.
“Atlas,” I whisper, staring up at him. “We can’t do this.”
“Aren’t you doing enough behind his back?” He jerks his chin. “What’s this one more thing matter? Or you don’t think I’ve done enough for you?” His words are a low snarl.
“Stop.” I whisper it with venom, masking my fear.“Now.”
He smiles, a wicked thing. But then he nods slowly and says, “Sure.” He slides his palms along the door, a screeching sound that raises the hairs on the back of my neck. Even still, he backs up. One step. Two. His hands are by his sides and although I can see his erection straining against his sweats, he keeps walking backward, giving me room to breathe.
To think.
When he’s far enough away, I stagger forward with my pants still undone, wanting to sit down somewhere. To collapse into a ball and feel all these emotions threatening to burst inside of me.
Why did Mavy push me away? Why is he so comfortable with Sid but he doesn’t feel the same with me? What can I do to change it? How can I make him see all that I would give up for him? All I already have?
My shoulder collides with the wall as my feet nearly trip over themselves and panic sets in for a wild second as my palms crash against the dark walls to keep myself upright. I slowly realize it’s whatever Atlas “drugged” me with, and it’s making my movements strange and sluggish. Like walking alone is trying to survive an obstacle course of sinking sand beneath my feet.
I close my eyes—aware Atlas is watching me carefully—and try to orient my brain.I’m standing upright. I’m okay.
I’m okay.
But when I blink open my eyes, attempting to squash my panic, Atlas isright there.
His hands come to my shoulders, his grip gentle as he steers my body, pushing me against the wall carefully. “Hey,” he whispers, dipping his chin, his eyes locked on mine. “You’re okay. Just breathe.”
I realize his pupils look strange, and with the drug in my system, kind of like they’re pulsing. Black dances along brown-blue.
A giggle escapes my lips, but I bite my bottom one, because I don’t think I should be laughing right now. The gap between what I’m thinking and what my body decides to do is growing wider, deeper.
He strokes his fingers over my arms, smiling. “You good?” he whispers, turning into the boy I first spoke to at Rain’s birthday party. The boy I saw kindness in. Someone to befriend me.
“What did you give me?” Speaking is like chewing cotton candy. The words seem to evaporate on my tongue.
He slants his head, his mouth close to mine. “Doesn’t it feel good?”
I laugh again, and I think that’s answer enough as his eyes warm, lighting up in the darkness of his room.
“Yeah,” he whispers, his breath on my lips. “It feels good to be free, doesn’t it, Ella?” He brushes his mouth over mine, a whisper of a kiss, and I try to find the tension, the regret, the denial on the tip of my tongue. But all that escapes me is a startled breath. He does the motion again, lips ghosting against mine. “It feels fun to not give a fuck, huh? And that’s not so easy, for people like you and me. The problem is we care too much.” His tongue is warm against the divot above my upper lip. “But you can care for me too.”
I shake my head which is a mistake, because the walls seem to tilt, flexing like they’re breathing around me. “Atlas, I can’t. Ilovehim.” I sound pathetic to my own ears. The drug hasn’t taken away my inhibitions completely, but I have to keep saying it anyway. I have to get him to understand. “I love him so much.” A whine, a childlike sound, my lips brushing Atlas’s.
“What does love have to do with escape? Your secrets stay in this room, like all the rest between us.” He pulls my bottom lip between his teeth, gently, and I try to turn my head, but he bites down harder. My heart lurches in my chest. He’s manipulating me again, and some part of me wants him. Some base level of lust. He’s hot, and sometimes, he’s kind. He’s been a shelter, a rock. If it wouldn’t hurt Maverick, I would.I would.
And maybe more than that, if it was Mavy in a situation like this,he would.
“No, don’t look away from me, baby,” Atlas says quietly, licking my bottom lip. “Remember where Maverick is right now. Remember the girl he’s touching, because it isn’t you—”
