Page 27 of Like Grim Death: Part One
I give her the best answer I can. “Not if your husband has anything to do with it.” I’m positive that shit show isn’t over though.
Sid smiles a little, but it’s gone in a second. “And Atlas… Natalie’sbrother?”
Another shrug. “You’re asking the wrong person.”
A heavy silence settles between us.
I clear my throat. I don’t have any answers to give her. I don’t have any fucking answers myself. And I don’t want to deal with any of this tonight.
“Liber soon? Before October ends?” I decide spur of the moment we all need to relax. It’s been a while since we’ve gone up to the Unsaint’s party house and Halloween is barely four weeks away, but we have to honor it at Raven Park.
I mean, we did just get together last month to celebrate Rain’s one-month birthday, but still. Besides, that wasn’t really a party,exactly, considering Rain was there. It was at my place, just us. My brothers, my sisters, and my girl. Atlas and Ella were holed up together where I found them in the basement, both being antisocial. Despite my misgivings about his text, I know Atlas is decent, and I know he’s probably a good friend for my girl. But he’s also just as fucked as the rest of us. The most broken people hide behind quick wit and a bright smile, right?
Then there’s the small matter of thecorpsefrom last night.
Thinking of them sitting side-by-side on the treadmill in the gym suddenly feels a lot more sinister than it did when I was high and drunk at the party.
But maybe it’s because I’m here, in the dark, with a girl I once fucked.
Maybe I have a guilty conscience because Ella wouldn’t fuck me over, right? It makes me feel sick, just imagining it. I clear my throat, trying to shake the thought.
“If you don’t want to go…” I trail off, watching Sid and focusing on the present moment. Sid and Luce don’t have a nanny. They won’t get one, either. Our trust in anyone to look after our kids is nonexistent. But we’ll all be there. And shit, maybe they could just bring someone, to stay under their watch but to do the hard work. Diapers and feedings and all the baby shit. Brooklin already volunteered for Halloween night, and she’s come over a few times to watch Rain while Sid got in the shower when Lucifer was at work. She’s only cold toward me, and I know she blames me for everything that happened the night she fucked with Atlas. And all the nights after when she was exorcized from our family.
Heprobably does too.
Guilt is heavy on my shoulders. I don’t know how to apologize to her. I never knew how to say sorry to Mom, either, about Malachi.
His name in my head hurts and I do my best to blink it away.
Sid nods once, tilting her head, her bangs falling into her eyes. “Sure, we’ll go.”
I love how she doesn’t defer to Lucifer, but if I were him, I’d hate it. My thoughts flicker back to Ella.
Her bullshit.
I always want to know everything about her. I always want her… under my control. It’s why even though her distraction is a reprieve, I need to figure out what the fuck is going on with her.
Sid is extremely volatile. I love her, but someone with her personality could never be what I need.
I need to control someone.
Does that make Ella a puppet? Is it unfair?
I shake my head, scrubbing a hand over my face. I don’t think I ever get anything right.
“You okay?” Sid asks softly, and when I drop my hand, I lean against the wall opposite her, the wooden floor creaking beneath my boots. I rest my head back, eyes on the ceiling and the soft lights overhead.
“Yeah.” It’s bullshit, and it doesn’t even sound true. But despite that word, I don’t really try to pretend, just for this moment with her.
I hear the hardwoods shift again, and I can sense her coming closer.
I let my eyes flutter closed, sagging my entire weight against the wall. I give myself this moment only.
Just this moment.
To not think about Ella, about the 6, Dominus, Ezra, Rain, Jeremiah, Brooklin, Ria, Samson, the new initiate, and RC, or the film I found.
I just let my guard down, and when Sid’s head comes to my arm, resting against my elbow and leaning into me, I think maybe she’s doing the same.
