Page 213 of Like Grim Death: Part One
Not even for her.
And the truth is, despite the fact I killed for her and despite the fact I’d do it again and againand again,that was far easier than letting her in. Much simpler than having to strip off the armor I wear to keep everyone around me protected. The armor that protects me too. I let Sid see past it because I don’t have to be her sole protector. She isn’t my fucking responsibility. Ella can’t peek behind the curtain. She can’t ever doubt the fact I will always look out for her, no matter what it costs me.
Slowly, I sink down to the floor, my back sliding against the doors. I set my phone down and bow my head, elbows on my knees, face in my palms. A slow, small scream of frustration tears into my hands, but then I bite down on my back teeth to keep it from erupting. To keep all these thoughts of things going on around us—the threat to Ella if I don’t ensure Lucifer follows orders, which I failed at with Esther; Brooklin’s avoidance; Rain’s potential endangerment; Samson’s body; Julie’s; Finn’s whereabouts—from exploding into an exasperation that would bring down this building.
I turned Ella away last night because I couldn’t face myself without the high walls of a murderer, and now I’ve left her with someone who I know can be soft. What he did, breaking down without finishing inside of her, it’s proof of that.
What kind of sick and twisted shit have I dragged you into, baby?
She would be better off at that fucking trailer.
I think, sometimes, everyone in my life would be better off ifIwasn’t there.
Malachi, for one, would be alive.
Maybe Mom would have been better then. Maybe she would have loved us more. Maybe Dad would have been more forgiving toward Brooklin, and she wouldn’t have felt unloved most of her life.
The pressure grows behind my eyes and I flex my fingers against them, pressing back on the sockets.I won’t give in. I won’t give in. I won’t—
“Where’s Ella?”
I snap my head up, dropping my hand to the waistband of my pants, my fingers circling around the grip of my gun. But when I blink, it’s Brooklin standing before me, her arms crossed as she glares down at me.
I splay my fingers wide, leaving the gun where it is, and bring my arms to drape over my knees, hands dangling as my pulse still jumps around in my chest from being startled by my sister.
I glance behind her, swallowing hard, but see nothing but dark floors and low lighting in the high ceilings, doors scattered around the corridor. We used to use this floor for parties that usually ended in orgies.
There’s a bathroom on this floor with a fuckload of condoms for that purpose. But now we don’t do that shit as much, and this floor is being used to protect Rain. We’ve got guards on the ground, outside Liber, but up here, we’ve got the protection of subterfuge. EvenIdon’t know what room he’s in. Only Sid, Lucifer, and Brooklin do.
I bring my gaze back to her, taking in her gray pajama pants, white crop top. She’s in fuzzy socks too. Maybe I woke her up with all my sulking over here.
“Where’s Rain?” I counter her question with a question.
She rolls her eyes. “His baby monitor is in my pocket and I just left his room. He’s sleeping.” She cocks a brow. “So where’s Ella?”
I think about admitting what happened, to my sister. Maybe breaking down a wall of my own to get her to burst through hers. But I know tonight is not the night we’ll have a heart-to-heart. I can’t handle it right now. Besides, considering who I left Ella with, I’m sure Brooklin wouldn’t be very empathetic to me.
So, I just lie. “Sleeping, just like Rain.”
A small smirk flits across Brooklin’s face.
I lean my head back against the door again, closing my eyes, savoring these fleeting seconds I have with my sister before she remembers all the ways she got fucked up because of me and our family, and she stalks off.
“Have you talked to Lucifer? About what I told you?” The question is straightforward, to the point. She doesn’t want to waste time shooting the shit with me, that’s for sure.
I scoff, shaking my head. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve got a lot going on right now, Brook. It’s been the last thing on my mind.”
“The fact your little girlfriend might be in some kind of danger by the hands of your best friend is thelastthing on your mind?” Sharper words.
I shake my head once without looking at her, then stretch out my legs, letting my hands fall to my lap.If you only knew what I just let mylittlegirlfriend do,Sis…
“You said Mom was tried and tested. She survived, didn’t she? And the more I thought it through, the more I realized it’s not that bad, even if itishappening, right? If Lucifer is giving her little lessons on the low about joining our world, isn’t that agoodthing? I want her fullyin.”I haven’t putthatmuch thought into it, but I just can’t see Ella and Lucifer working together at all. And if it’sAtlaswho is testing her, he isn’t going to flex her loyalty to the point of breaking, because he didn’t even when I held a gun to her and told him to.
There’s silence to greet my words. Slowly, I pry open my eyes. I have to blink a few times because I’m still feeling the effects of all those fucking shots I took tonight. Or last night, as it is, now that we’ve somehow fucked our way into Tuesday.
Brooklin’s blue eyes seem to glow in the hall. “You are an idiot,” she seethes. “You think he’s giving her littlelessons?Do you not know your own brotherhood?” She brings two fingers to her temple, massaging just above her nose, then she exhales, takes a step back, and slides down against the wall adjacent to the door I’m propped up against.
Her knees come to her chest, her arms wrapped around her shins as she hugs herself. She stares at the floor, and for the first time in a long time, I see a less aggressive version of Brooklin. A more vulnerable part of her comes through in her posture, like she’s exposing some of her own nerves.
