Page 233 of Like Grim Death: Part One
She’s dressed in white sweats and a white T-shirt, her arms crossed over her chest like she’s cold, red hair tumbling in waves past her breasts.
The scent of vanilla fills the cabin of the car, even riding over the marijuana’s tang.
“You come here to lecture me?” I ask quietly, pulling from my joint as she stares straight ahead. We’ve avoided one another most of the day. I woke up alone and found her in the kitchen, but she wasn’t eating. Just sitting at the island staring at nothing.
She doesn’t answer and I take another hit, turning my head and exhaling through my nose. I let my eyes close and none of that familiar anger crawls into my veins. I don’t know if it’s the weed or her, maybe a combination of both. For the first time in a long time, I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to apologize again. I want to tell her I never want to share her again. It’s eating at me. It was different, last night, and I should not have walked the fuck away. That was the stupid, cowardly thing to do.
But even with my newfound sense of ease, I can’t help but ask it once more. “Where did you two go last night, Ella?”
Atlas killed his girlfriend’s brother.It tumbles inside my head, my chest growing tight and heavy, like an elephant is sitting on it. If he’d dothat,what wouldn’t he do? And why was Sevryn inhiscar? And why did they both disappear when I was with Sid and Lucifer and Ez?
Ella still doesn’t respond.
I take another pull, keeping my eyes shut. Maybe I don’t want to know tonight.
A soft cotton blanket seems to rest over my shoulders. I want to fight it, rip off the metaphor, but for a second, I let myself sink under.
“Can I try it?”
My eyes snap open, the blanket long gone.
I turn my head to find Ella’s green eyes locked on the joint in my hand. Sitting up straighter, I angle my body towards hers and arch a brow. “What?”
She nods her head, indicating the joint. “I want to get high too.” Her voice is strong, if a little hoarse from fighting last night, staying up so late this morning.
I shake my head once though. “I’m not giving you drugs, pretty girl.”
She smiles a little, white teeth flashing. “It’s barely drugs. It’s weed, Mavy.”
Hearing her nickname for me brings back some of the warmth I was losing myself in. “Yeah, but you can get addicted all the same.” I know it to be true, in the way I can’t seem to handle anything—myself included—without it.
She laughs, the sound more like a giggle and I adore it. Something loosens inside my chest. “Just once. Just tonight,” she pleads.
I lift my eyes to hers as she leans in toward the console.
“Just with you,” she whispers. There’s a double meaning there that I want to grab onto.
Still, I don’t want to say yes. I meant what I said. I don’t want to give her drugs. I don’t mind watching her drink though, and last night was shit and maybe we could justbetogether. Without all the drama and the hiding out and the things I’m keeping from her to make her safe, like Mikhail’s visit to me on our street.
Maybe she could get high in my lap, and I could kiss her neck and lose myself inside what she’s always been to be. My escape.Only mine. No one else is allowed to lose themselves in you. Not even my brothers.
I widen my knees, placing one hand on my thigh. “Come here.” I already moved the seat back when I first got in here, and there’s plenty of room for her to climb over.
I bring the joint to my lips as she watches me, inhaling as the cherry glows bright between us.
She smiles again, her freckles stark against her pale skin. Then she moves, shifting over the console and awkwardly maneuvering herself to my side, laughing nervously as she does.
She turns her body, so her ass is on my lap, her back to my chest. Slouching down, I can see over her shoulder, her fingers gripping the bottom of the steering wheel.
Her weight and warmth and scent are welcome. A balm. I move one arm and wrap it around her chest, my fingers on her T-shirt, right over her belly.
She lifts a hand to reach for the joint, carefully held in front of her face, but I say, “No,” and immediately, she drops her hand.
Every time she listens to me, it’s like my heart is going to beat right out of my fucking chest. It’s a high, better than any weed. And I forget all of last night. I forget everything with her obedience.
Pinching the joint between my thumb and forefinger, I bring it up to her mouth, watching her part her lips carefully.
“Listen,” I tell her, dipping my chin so my mouth is by her ear. Her body tenses up against me, her ass over my growing cock. “Don’t slobber on it, okay? It’s not my dick.”
