Page 95 of Like Grim Death: Part One
I sense the girl move away, and I assume she’s going to do this to all my brothers.
I bow my head, trying to even out my breathing and prepare for the come up. Whatever drug she gave me, I’m positive it’s going to fuck with my mind. Apprehension steals through me. I’ve had a lot of trips in my life. LSD, DMT, mushrooms, Ketamine, nothing is new to me. But I’m prepared when I ingest those drugs. I’mready.Here, I feel like I’m waiting for a bomb to strike and the only shelter I have is this robe over my head, which won’t do me any good at all.
This shit could fuck my mind into pieces.
The music continues playing, the same beat, but it doesn’t sound repetitive. It’s unfortunate, because if it was, I could hold onto it, like a comfort. When I’m tripping, I like to grab something familiar. A song, a show, any form of art where I know what’s coming next. It’s like a blanket. Like a bottle to a baby.
Rain.
I try to hold onto him in my mind as time passes, but it becomes difficult. It’s like his face distorts and stretches behind my closed eyes. My body grows hot, and I think I feel sweat along the back of my neck, but I’m distantly aware this room is very cold, like a morgue.
Rain.
His eyes become my father’s become Mikhail’s become lifeless.
Dull.
His mouth opens to wail, his tiny tongue flailing, but no sound leaves his lips. He’s in only a diaper, jerking his limbs, and no one is there.
He’s alone in a dark room, but I can see him so clearly.
I hear something knocking, deep, loud, dangerous. A pounding, really, a demon at the door. I want to grab my son, but I can’t move. My feet are cemented to the floor, and Rain needs me, but I can’t take a step.
I can’t even fucking breathe.It’s like my lungs have just… stopped.
The knocking grows. The room breathes like I wish to. Dark, purple inhales, the walls coming in, exhales, the walls expand. But every inhale, they get closer to crushing Rain. The room is a bedroom is a closet is a mistake, meant to be walled over.
His eyes are open even as he silently cries. His body seems to seize, and the walls come closer, inches from touching him, and somehow, somewhere, I can see it all.
The darkness knocks louder. Heavy, deep sounds.
My body jolts, and I blink behind the blindfold.
The knocking is my heart, hammering in my ribcage.
Awareness seeps in, Rain growing distant behind my eyes.
Then… I feel her on my lap.
The scent of roses is dark and tempting, lifting me higher still.
Her hands grip my shoulders and her legs straddle me. She feels impossibly light, but so do I. Like my body is floating toward the ceiling, and in this moment, she’s the only one who could keep me here.
Sid.I try to hold onto the fact I’m married and maybe it doesn’t mean anything in this world, but it does in mine. Even still, my dick grows hard, and not for the first time in my life, I wish I could fucking cut it off. I close my eyes tighter, and I think of Pammie.
I’m fuckinggratefulfor what Sid and Maverick did for me. I’m fuckingthankfulthey destroyed one of my worst nightmares. But sometimes I harbor some resentment.
Some angerIwasn’t the one to hear her scream for the last fucking time.
It’s hard though, holding onto the anger. It’s an emotion that feels slippery now. I can barely touch it. I’m on my tiptoes, reaching, reaching, but I grasp nothing.
The girl grinds against me, reminding me I’m actually still sitting. She moans in my ear. I can see nothing in the darkness of the depravation room, hear nothing of my brothers, only her breathy little gasps as she dry fucks me. I’m not sure there’s anything at all between us. I don’t know because I can’t touch her.
If I could, I’d snap her spinal cord. I think…No.I wouldn’t. Not right now. Right now, I’m no longer floating.
I’m melting into my chair.
Her hair tickles my neck, then she dips her mouth to my throat, sucking my skin.She’s going to leave a fucking bruise.
