Page 40 of Kissing is the Easy Part
Oh no. He must’ve bombed the exam. What if he thinks it’s my fault?
“So, was the exam hard?” I ask carefully.
“No.”
“Do you think you did well?”
He doesn’t answer, and then he takes his eyes off the road for a second to glance at me. “Did you have fun last night?”
Abrupt change of subject. He obviously hasn’t done well and wishes to drop it. Now’s not the moment to bring up Raymond. “I had an okay time.” I fix the hem of my skirt.
“How are Sarah and Jess?”
“Oh, they’re fine. You know.” I run a hand through my hair. “But I’d much rather spend time with you.”
“Sure you would.”
The silence that follows is thick. Even though I may have complained about his test quite a bit, I truly wish him success. Seeing the dark smudges under his eyes, my heart sinks. “Sean, what’s wrong?”
He heaves a sigh, heavy and tired. “I can’t eat like this.” He pulls over to the side of the road. We’re nowhere near the restaurant.
“Is this about ditching me for your exam? It’s fine—”
“I did notditchyou.” He turns to face me square. “Ditching you would mean we had plans, and I bailed. I’ve never done that to you.”
“Pretty sure you took physics this morning, not the SAT verbal section.” I attempt a joke, but it comes out strained.
“Everything always has to be about you, right? I told you that test mattered to me, and you had to give me a hard time. If the roles were reversed, I’d have supported you.”
The tension coils in my stomach. “You didn’t support me when I wanted to buy that Burberry coat,” I can’t resist saying, hoping he’d grace me with a smile.A reluctant one will do, please.Sean has never talked to me like this before, and my palms start to sweat.
“Quit trying to be cute. It’s funny when you twist my words around to flirt, but I sure as hell am not flirting with you now.”
His words hit me like a slap. I’m too stunned to speak. Tears well in my eyes, but I blink fast, refusing to let them fall. I don’t know how to handle Sean like this. My stomach tightens, half out of fear, half out of a small rumbling ball of fury.
“I don’t know if I’ll get another chance, so I’m going to say everything I’ve wanted to tell you.” His eyes flash. “You’re a piece of work, Flora. You’re self-centered and insensitive. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with you. I really tried. I let you decide what we do, what we eat, who we hang out with, but that’s still not enough for you. I can’t drop everything to be with you every second, and even if I could, I doubt you’d be satisfied. I don’t know what more you want from me.”
My brain can’t process so much information at once, so I randomly pick a sentence and respond to that. “I didn’t ask you to drop everything!”
“Well, the minute I couldn’t deliver, you gave up on me, right? You had to punish me.”
Punish him?My mind scrambles for meaning. Because I lost my temper? I slammed his car door? I ignored a couple of his calls and—oh shoot. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back yesterday,” I say, the memory clicking into place. “But it wasn’t on purpose.”
“Don’t worry, I get it. You had more exciting company last night,” he says, unusually sarcastic. “That’s exactly the point. I’d never have forgotten to call you. When you have something better to do, you couldn’t care less about me, but if you’re bored, I’m supposed to show up instantly.”
My chest tightens. That’s not even close to fair. He’s so far off base I can’t think straight. “How could you say that? I care about you above everything else. I—I more than care about you. I love you!”
I didn’t plan on saying it. I wasn’t even sure I was ready to feel it. But now that it’s out there, trembling between us, I know it’s true.
My hand grips the edge of the seat. “I love you.”
Sean’s jaw clenches. “You don’t love me. All through life, everyone has spoiled you, and you’re in love with yourself.”
When I imagined myself sayingI love youto another person, I expected them to do one of the following:
a. Say “I love you too.”
b. Smile.
