Page 97 of Puck You
My head shot up.“What do you mean?”
“I was going to tell you after the game.On Wednesday, we received a package from the office in Detroit.It’s loaded with Red Wings gear: shirts, sweats, some branded compression shorts, and a couple of water bottles.I figured they wanted you to wear them around campus—show off your future team.”
I shook my head in confusion.“That doesn’t make sense.I haven’t heard from Duncan, not even for my mid-season report.He hasn’t answered a single one of my emails or phone calls.”
The color drained from her face.I couldn’t bear to the see the disappointment in her eyes, so I hung my head in shame.
“I’m so sorry, honey, I must have forgotten to tell you.We got some news in the mail over Thanksgiving break.Duncan is no longer with the Red Wings.I don’t know much, but they ended on bad terms.They sent your report and some other information to the house because that’s the address they have on file.”
My heart stopped.“Are you serious?”
Disbelief.I was in utter disbelief.There was no other way to describe the tingling in my chest.
“I’m so sorry.I can’t believe I forgot to tell you,” she said, reaching over to clasp my hand in both of hers.“I was planning to send you home with everything after winter break, but you left in such a rush because you wanted to make it back to school before the storm hit.”
“I’ve spent the last three months thinking they didn’t want me anymore.Three months feeling like a fucking failure.Knowing that I let him down.”
My ears rang loud enough to muffle the sound of my mother’s voice.She must have said something to Bill because a moment later, he kissed the top of her head and left the room.
“You could never let your father down, Sebastian,” she said, gripping my hand tighter.“Why would you think that?”
“Dad gave up everything to help raise me.I just wanted to make him proud.Do what he never got the chance to do because of me.”
“Your father didn’t give up anything.He got a job in town because he wanted to see you grow up.He didn’t want to be away all the time.You were no sacrifice to him, and I know that he’s proud of you.”She shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes.“Your dad was so happy to share his passion with you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be your future.He just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible, and hockey was something he knew he could teach you.”She let out a small, sniffling laugh.“You were so good right from the start.I remember him rushing into the house every time you learned something new.To him, you hung the moon.”
A lump formed in my throat.All I could do was squeeze her tight and soak in the words as she told me everything I’d ever wanted to hear.
“The Red Wings want you.But you don’t have to accept a contract if you’re only doing this to make your father proud.You’ve already done that.You do it every day.”After a long moment, she added, “You haven’t let anyone down, Sebastian, least of all your father.”
Was that still true after last night?A half laugh, half sob escaped me.I’d never imagined I’d feel so miserable learning thatmy dream was going to come true.Everything I’d worked for was about to pay off.If what my mother said was true, I’d be playing for Detroit in a matter of months, living the life I’d set out to achieve when I was only twelve years old.But I could no longer see that perfect picture I’d painted of my future, the one where I was standing alone.It hadn’t been that way since I’d met Grace, even if I hadn’t realized it until now.I needed to fix this—to go to her and explain how fucking sorry I was for everything I’d said.
“I need to find Grace.”
My mom must have sensed the urgency in my tone because she didn’t question me as I raced from the living room in pursuit of my phone.But in my haste to reach my bedroom, I nearly collided with Bryce at the top of the stairs.
“She’s not here, Sebastian,” he said flatly, and I realized he must have been standing up here, listening to our conversation.“Grace left to go home last night.”
“She left—because of me?”
He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat.“Not everything is about you.”
“Then why did she leave?”
“First, tell me what was going through your head last night.”
Bryce’s face was tense—all furrowed brow and flattened lips, a hard look in his eyes that made me want to take a few steps back.“I know I fucked up.I let down our teammates—”
He let out a bitter laugh, and the sound stunned me into silence.“I was referring to the best thing that’s ever happened to you: Grace.You know, the girl you completely destroyed after your little tantrum on the rink.”
Destroyed.The word brought forth an image of her standing in the concourse at DuLane.I could still see the devastationwritten across Grace’s face as I tore into her deepest vulnerabilities.The things that I’d said—there was no coming back from that.Bryce was right, I’d destroyed Grace.How could she ever trust me again?
“What were you thinking?”he asked, and I shook my head, unable to find the words.
In only a few months, Grace had become the most important person in my life.That was why I’d been so torn up when I’d realized she wasn’t there last night.For the first time since my father died, I was going to look into the crowd and see someone I cared for, someone Iloved, someone who truly understood what hockey meant to me and appreciated every moment on the ice for how special it was.
“I built up this stupid moment in my head, and when it didn’t come true—” I stopped short at the sound of my own words, realization dawning on me.Last night was no one’s fault but my own, and there was no excuse for how I’d acted.
“I’m sorry,” I said, knowing that it wasn’t enough.“I’ve been such a self-centered asshole since the accident.”
