Page 42 of A Lesson in Obedience
She pulled open the cabinet, taking out a box of tiny pretzels. The ones I liked the most to be exact. “No buts. You can’t tell me all about how Erik showed up and frightened you and then just run off intothe night. I forgave you before you even did what you are so scared of. That power is a part of you, baby, I’m sorry I ever made you think I wouldn’t accept it. You may be a witch, but you are first and foremost, my daughter.” She passed me a pack of pretzels, clasping her hand over mine when I went to grab it. “That means nothing you do could make me love you any less, especially when the things you do are because you are hurt or scared. All I ever want to do is help you.”
“I hate that I hurt you. He told me I would be out of control. I think he thinks I’ll need him,” I explained, my voice low as I intertwined my fingers with hers.
“He always thought he knew better. He masked it with charm back then and maybe he’s still doing that now. His father was actually the chancellor back then and Erik surprisingly didn’t want anything to do with the school in that way. His father was fine with that, he was a nice man, but his mother….”
“You told me that you guys didn’t get along.”
She opened up the other pack of pretzels she brought out, picking one out and popping it into her mouth. “Right. She didn’t like that I distracted him, I guess. She was Celica’s leader and she wanted him to have the same drive, the same mindset as her. I could always tell when he’d spoken to her because he’d come back with such a temper. She always pushed the fact that he had both his parents inherit powers, so he was stronger. He could rival even his own father if he truly wanted to, but he didn’t.” She grabbed my shoulders and walked us to the couch. She kept me close to her when we sat down. “His father died a month or so before I found out I was having you and it devastated him. He actually thought his mother had something to do with it and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she had.”
“If he disliked her so much, why take her name? Why go by Erik Fowler instead of Erik Lowe? And so, what? His father’s death, his mother’s annoyance and your pregnancy announcement sparked his insanity?”
She watched me put a pretzel in my mouth and placed her arm on the back of the couch. “I suppose. I think he thought that with the pregnancy, he would have a better family. A few days after I told him, we told his mother and boy, did that not end well. He started going on and on about how his mother wouldn’t control him or his family. He spouted off about how he would find a way to rid us of her and the coven would be a safe place for our baby. That you could have a legacy you would be proud to be a part of. I guess he became everything his mother wanted, just not in the way she wanted it.”
A shiver went down my spine and I placed my bag of pretzels on the coffee table.
“He scared me, Riley, and I already loved you so much that…I didn’t know what he was going to do, but I didn’t care about a legacy, I didn’t care about having a powerful family. I just wanted you to be safe.”
I hummed, leaning against her body. “The way he spoke to me, Mom, it was like he wanted me to have all the luxury in the world, like I should be thrilled to know I was associated with the school and coven in that way. His mother didn’t think he deserved anything, somaybe he just took what he wanted when you left. Maybe not having me and you just kind of sent him over the edge.” It sounded just as wild out loud as it did in my head.
Her eyes turned sad, her voice filled with an odd kind of regret. “Maybe I’m to blame for the way he truly turned out. If I would have stayed with him, I don’t know how your life would have been, but maybe leaving wasn’t the lesser of two evils.” She kissed my forehead. “I don’t regret protecting you. Or at least trying to. I really thought he had let me go when all that time passed or he had just moved on and disappeared like people said, but he was right under our noses.”
I sighed. “The crazy thing is that hehadmoved on. And then he talked to dad.” I fiddled with the chain of my necklace. “Under any other circumstance I would respect his determination towards his family, but I hate him, Mom. I’ve never hated anyone before, but I hate him.”
She pulled back, holding the side of my face and stroking my cheek. “I know. I also know your voice and the different tones and inflections you use when you are trying to convey your emotions. What aren’t you telling me?”
I avoided her eyes, twisting the necklace chain around my finger. Her eyes shot to my movements and her eyebrows rose. “You fixed it?”
I let go of the chain and ran my hands down the tops of my thighs. “No, it’s not magical. Um, it was a gift from Asher.”
I could see that she was trying to figure out where she knew that name. “River’s brother?”
I slowly nodded, hoping she would stop asking questions about it. “Yeah, he’s a professor at the university.”
She casually looked off to the side, almost as if she was trying to understand something. Her phone went off, saving me from this very,veryawkward conversation we could have had. She patted my leg before going to retrieve her phone from the other room, leaving her opened pretzel bag on the couch. She sounded friendly when sheanswered almost like she was speaking to an old friend and then her voice got nervous and frantic. She sucked in a sharp breath causing me to swivel my body so I could look at her over the back of the couch.
My mom had her hand over her chest. “Oh my god. Sarah, how? What happened? Do you need me to do anything?” My heart stopped for only a moment because I knew that name. There were probably a million Sarahs in the world, but only one that my mom would be this devastated for.
Sarah was Marianne’s mom.
“Okay, okay. Please let me know if they find out anything. Sarah, I don’t know what to say. My god.” Her hand flew to her forehead as she pressed her fingers into her skin. She said a few more words and then hung up.
She wiped under her eyes and then looked over at me. I swallowed, waiting for her to speak. She took a deep breath and started walking back over to me. “Riley, honey, that was Marianne’s mom.”
I kept my mouth shut, deciding to just nod.
Her voice was shaky. “You know they usually speak frequently, but it’s college, so she thought Marianne wasn’t communicating because she was just busy. She called around and no one had seen her, so she called the police.” She pressed her lips together, frantically wiping the tears that were falling from her eyes. I held my breath since that was the only thing keeping mine back as well. “They found her body near a wooded area close to one of the local bars to the school. They are looking more into it but I’m so sorry, Riley. She’s gone.” Her tears were coming full force now and watching my mom cry unleashed my own.
I choked out my words because it hurt my chest far too much to hold it in. “I know.”
She grabbed my hands. “You know?”
I slowly released myself from her hold, running my fingers quickly under my eyes, removing the tears. They felt thick and heavy; when I looked down at my hands the wetness was a deep blood red. Islapped my hands against my thighs, shaking my head. “I already know.”
My mom watched as her coffee table shifted against the floor and how the items on the mantle teetered back and forth. I was trying, I was trying so fucking hard. I bit my tongue to stop myself.
“Riley, how could you possibly…”
“That’s why I hate him.”
