Page 93 of Unpredictable
For us.Her words hung in the air.
I wanted to assure her that it would be okay. That she could do this and then everything would be as it was, but my need for self-preservation won out. “Don’t come back unless you’re one-hundred-percent sure you want to be with me.”
A tear streaked down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. “Okay.” She sniffled. “That’s fair.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I held her close. Bathed in her jasmine scent, I knew this was goodbye—perhaps for good.
“Thank you.” Her words were muffled by my chest.
“For what?” I drew back, peering down at her. Her cheeks were wet with tears, and I dried them with my thumb. I needed to comfort her, even if my heart was breaking.
“For…for bringing me back to life.” She sniffled, and I brushed her hair over her shoulder. “I love you, Harrison.”
“I know.” I pulled her into me. “And I love you.” Which was why I was willing to let her go.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
To everyone else, it looked like paradise. But returning to Thailand was like my own personal hell. The trip had been relatively smooth, but I was wrung out. I’d left one man to find another, and I loved both of them. I couldn’t move on, not without answers. But I also knew that Harrison wouldn’t wait forever—and it wasn’t fair to ask him to.
Harper and I went straight from the airport to the hotel where this man, where Ryan, was supposed to be. I could scarcely breathe the entire ride there. And when we arrived, my legs felt like lead. The thought that Ryan might actually be here, right now, was more than my mind could handle.
While Harper checked us in, my attention was caught by a man across the lobby. He had dark brown hair like Ryan’s, though it was longer. He was about the same height, similar build, and for a moment, my breath caught.
“Ryan?” I whispered, scared it was a dream or a nightmare. Which, I wasn’t sure.
But then he turned. There was a resemblance between the man and Ryan, but it wasn’t Ryan’s warm brown eyes that greeted me. It wasn’t his lopsided smile.
My vision blurred as I teetered on the verge of collapse. I was exhausted both mentally and physically.
“You okay?” Harper asked, returning to my side.
“Yeah.” I swallowed, nodding. “Yeah.”
Harrison was right. This was a wild-goose chase. I’d traveled halfway across the world for answers. I’d tried to anticipate every possible scenario, but I hadn’t anticipated just how awful I’d feel once I got here. Whether or not I found Ryan, I’d walked away from Harrison—I’d made him feel like he wasn’t enough. And while a part of me would always love Ryan, I wasn’tin lovewith him anymore like I was with Harrison.
I followed Harper to our room in a daze. When I sank down on the bed, my heart was heavy. “I fucked up. I never should have come here. Ryan’s gone.”
It was the first time I’d admitted to myself that Ryan was probably dead. I’d known all along how likely of an outcome that was. But I’d been unable to accept the truth until now. Ryan wasn’t coming back.
It was time to stop. Stop chasing after something, someone, that deep down I knew wasn’t there. I stilled, shaken by the realization. The words replayed in my head.Ryan is gone. Ryan isn’t coming back.
It didn’t matter how many times I’d talked to Lindsay about it, to my friends, it had never really sunk in until now. He. Was. Gone.
She joined me on the bed, her expression drawn. “I wish I’d never told you about this lead.”
“Harper.” I took her hand in mine. “You were being a good friend, thebestfriend. You know how hard this has been on me—more than anyone. And you were only doing what I asked.”
“I know. But you were happy. You and Harrison were happy.”
I nodded. “We were, weren’t we?” A soft smile played at my lips. “But it was my decision to come. You gave me the information, but I’m the one who acted on it. And I’ve made another decision—I don’t want to meet the man your contact believes is Ryan.”
She gaped at me. “You don’t?”
I understood her shock. I’d spent the past few years obsessed with news from Thailand, reading online about survivors of natural disasters, miracles. I didn’t want to give up hope for Ryan’s sake, but I also knew it was killing me to hold on. It was destroying my relationship with Harrison.
I shook my head. “A part of me will always love Ryan, but Harrison is it for me.”
She nodded. “I know he is. I can see it when you talk about him or when the two of you are together. He’s… Well, we all loved Ryan. But Harrison is the type of man I always envisioned you with.”
