Page 14 of Unpredictable
“But—”
“No.” She shook her head, her expression stern as she removed her hands and sat back. “You did nothing wrong.”
Alexis and Harper nodded their agreement. But they didn’t understand. They’d rallied around me after the tsunami, and they continued to check in and love me even now. But I was tired of feeling like a burden—not that they ever made me feel that way. Still, I saw the pity in their eyes, and it made me want to break something. And my life was already broken enough.
“But we’re engaged, and I—”
Harper was the one to speak up this time. “Jules, I know you love Ryan, but it’s been two years. Even if he miraculously returns at some point, I don’t think he could fault you for what you did.”
I twisted my napkin in my hands. I wanted to believe her, but I knew that was only because it would make me feel better. Whether it was the truth was an entirely different matter.
“Let’s say roles were reversed,” Alexis said, ever pragmatic. “And, gosh forbid, something had happened to you instead. Would you want Ryan to be lonely, missing out on life while he waited for you to maybe someday come back?”
I considered it a moment, but I already knew the answer. “No.”
“Right. You’d want him to be happy.”
I nodded. “Of course I would.”
“Even if that meant he was with someone else?” she pushed.
The idea of Ryan happy with someone else pained me, but I agreed. Had I been the one to disappear, not him, I wouldn’t want him to be sad. I would want him to live. Something in my chest eased.
“I know, but—” I lowered my voice and said, “I used this man, and then I totally passed out on him. I passed out with a complete stranger in my hotel room.” I scrunched up my face, bracing for their reactions. “He could’ve been an ax murderer for all I knew.”
Lauren lifted her shoulder. “Well, clearly he wasn’t, or else you wouldn’t be here this morning.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Seriously?”
I appreciated her blasé attitude toward sex, even if it was a foreign concept to me. I’d been with the same man for five years. Before that, I’d had a few boyfriends but never a one-night stand. This was the first, and that was after a two-year dry spell. A dry spell I hadn’t once been tempted to break—until last night.
“Stop beating yourself up,” Lauren said. “I’m sure he was happy to be of service. And you’ll probably never see him again.”
“God, I hope you’re right,” I said, though a voice in the back of my mind whispered that was a lie. “But I feel terrible about it.”
“Yeah, but was the sex terrible?” She waggled her eyebrows.
All three of my friends leaned in as if I were sharing the secrets of the universe. I glanced between their matching eager expressions and considered lying before finally confessing, “It was amazing.”
And now that I’d admitted it, I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “He did this thing with his tongue—” My eyes rolled to the back of my head, and I clenched my thighs together. “Oh. My. God.”
And the way he’d commanded me to let go. It was as if he’d understood exactly what I needed. I’d asked him to help me forget, and he’d actually accomplished it. For the first time in nearly a month, I’d slept. And it had been a restful, dreamless sleep that left me feeling refreshed. At least until I’d found his note on the nightstand and remembered what I’d done.
“You said he was older?” Harper asked. “How much older are we talking?”
I pursed my lips, inventorying his features in my mind. Though silver lined his jaw and temples, his body was fit. More than fit—it was all chiseled muscles and sculpted abs. And that V…
“If I had to guess, I’d put him in his mid- to late-forties. He had laugh lines.” I’d had no idea laugh lines could be so sexy. At least, not until him.
“Wow. That’s unusual in LA,” Alexis joked, though we all knew it was true.
“Right?” I felt lighter now. I was still a tumult of emotions, but I didn’t feel as guilt-ridden as I had a few minutes ago. “But it was hella sexy on him.”
“And you’re sure you don’t want to see him again?” Harper asked.
I shook my head. “It was one night. It was nothing more than meaningless sex.”
Though the way he’d looked at me with those emerald eyes felt weighted with meaning, with promise. And not just for a night of fun.
