Page 86 of Night and Day
“After grandma? She would have loved that!” Mia smiled, remembering the white-haired lady who’d always eaten dry bread from the back of the cupboard when visiting her flat, to stop it from going to waste. “Are you hoping she’ll be equally frugal?”
Kati giggled. “Yes! And love bananas.”
“She probably will. Although I think grandma loved them because she thought them exotic. She used to say they didn’t have bananas in her youth.”
“How do you remember stuff like that?”
Mia shrugged. “I don’t know. My brain collects useless stuff.”
“Good for writing songs, right?”
It was a throwaway comment, but Mia’s insides wobbled. Kati knew she’d dragged her guitar around the world –she’d arrived with the evidence –but she’d never played her music to anyone, not even her sister.
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
Kati massaged her breast, sighing as a few more drops fell into the bottle. “This takes forever, but apparently the early stuff is like liquid gold so I have to get it all out.” She looked delirious after a long night of labour.
Mia kicked off her shoes and sat at the foot of the bed.
The room felt cosy, less hospital-like than she’d expected. No beeping machines or sounds of panicky footsteps down the hallway. Everyone spoke softly and moved with light-footed purpose. “How does it feel like to be a mum?”
Kati’s eyes glimmered with unfocused dreaminess. “It’s weird. Like I’m suddenly in plural. Nothing’s just me, only us. But you know what’s even more weird?” She glanced at the sleeping baby. “I can hardly remember what it was before, and it’s only been like a day. Like my mind was wiped and reset.”
“It’s probably the hormones.” Mia smiled, trying to imagine the strange feeling. “But it doesn’t sound bad. Being in plural. I like that.”
Ever since leaving New Zealand, she’d felt so alone, her heart like a crater left behind by a meteor that had crashed and burned, leaving only ashes.
“Are you okay? What happened on the trip? You haven’t told me anything yet.” Kati set the tree sap bottle on the night stand, glancing at the door.
“It’s not that important. Not like... this.” Mia gestured at the baby. “But I think... I’m so sorry, but I have to go back.”
Kati’s eyes widened, finally fully focusing on her face. “You met someone!”
“Did I say that?” Mia’s brow furrowed. Kati was one of the sharpest women she knew, even in her post-labour stupor. “But yes, you’re correct.”
“Who? Where? Please tell me it was someone on your first layover in Stockholm! I can’t have you move far away to—”
“New Zealand.” The words cut the air between them, clattering on the floor as she held her breath.
“Well, fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure it’s the real thing? Hormones have a lot to do with that stuff, too. Holiday romances...” Kati cast her a sad, hopeful smile.
Mia bit her lip. “How do you know if it’s real?”
Kati considered the question, staring at the light curtains softly moving over the wall heater, covering the quadruple-glazed window that gave to the dark street. It was past four p.m. and could have been midnight. Finland, why so cold and dark? With the little snow on the ground intermittently melting away, the overwhelming darkness of winter felt like a prison sentence.
“I think it comes down to your odds of having a future.” Kati nibbled on her nail. “You can’t sustain the passion. It comes and goes. So there has to be enough of the other stuff to build a partnership.”
The sobering thought floated across the hospital bed, landing on Mia’s lap. There it was – the stress test of her happiness. “I sent him an email last night when I arrived. It was pretty nonsensical. I just had to talk to him, like he’s the only person in the universe who could possibly get it.” She looked up at her sister. “I mean,youget me, but... you have a life here. A full life.”
Kati nodded, quietly waiting for her to continue.
“I can’t touch him. I haven’t even talked to him. I tried to call, but I must have missed him. The time difference is the worst! My night is his day. The exact opposite.”
“Did he reply to your email?”
