Page 52 of Falling Slowly
I stepped closer. “I’m trying not to mess this up,” I answered honestly, my heart beating so hard I feared cardiac arrest. Was this how it felt to fall for someone? Dear Lord. This was awful. If I’d been cooler than Fonzie before, that was no longer a problem.
Her eyebrows drew together. “We should have never... I don’t know how I’ll face you in the office but we’ll figure it out, right?”
She looked up at me, so genuinely worried that my heart lurched, crashing into my stomach.
“We’ll figure it out,” I promised. “But please, don’t write me off. I meant what I said. I want to… date you.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck, making my heart skip several beats. “I’m yours this week. Going back to work is going to be awkward, no matter what. So, let’s not think about that.” She reached on her tippy toes to place a kiss on my lips.
It was a gentle gesture and could have turned out that way, had my instincts not taken over. Within seconds, I had her pinned against the door as our mouths crashed together. Like waves against the rocks, turning waters into spraying foam. I craved her like my next breath.
I felt her body melt against mine, pliable, soft, and tense at the same time. I wanted to make her moan so loudly we drowned out the battering of hail. But as soon as I came up for air, my stupid heart spilled words that stood in my own way.
“I want us, Bess. You and me.”
She tensed, drawing away. Her lips looked raw and swollen, eyes unfocused. But her words were clear.
“There’s no us, Charlie. The only us in my life is me and my daughter.”
I nodded, taking a step back. I had to accept it. I couldn’t force my way in. Even if she’d taken that first tiny step to kiss me. She hadn’t offered me what I asked. Not even one date. She’d offered me a few days, in secret. And that had been enough for me to break my own promise. I was the worst.
Bess gave me an apologetic smile and slipped behind the bathroom door. I threw myself on the cold, messy bed I hadn’t slept in, expelling a sigh. It had finally happened. I’d found a woman who made me lose my mind and I couldn’t have her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Bess
Istared into the bathroom mirror, paralyzed. Seeing that look in Charlie’s eyes made everything inside me swirl like a sickening soup of pain, pleasure, and endless doubt.
I didn’t doubt his sincerity, but I doubted everything else. Because I wasn’t an uncomplicated single woman. I was shattered, disillusioned, and terrified to my core. Charlie had no idea.
It was probably a blessing in disguise that he’d gotten into his head he wanted more and wouldn’t sleep with me on a casual basis. Maybe that would slow our descent down this slippery slope. Whichever way things played out, I’d get hurt. I could already feel the inevitable end, waiting for me on the other side of this. Waiting with a whip in its hand.
I sniffed, hoping Charlie couldn’t hear me. The sound of hail outside had lessened, turning into regular rain. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, pulling deep breaths to calm myself. Hairbrush. Partially dried-out concealer. Mascara that producedclumps if you tried more than one coat. I looked as sad and defeated as I felt. What did he even see in me?
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I found Charlie by the door, dressed in jeans and a grey sweater. “See you in the cafeteria?”
He waved his hand, disappearing through the doorway. The hurt in his voice made my chest feel tight. This wasn’t good. I didn’t want to hurt him. I’d still have to work with him.
Teresa. I needed to talk to her. She’d be at work already, I realized.
“Can you talk?” I asked when she picked up.
“Hang on a minute.” I heard rustling and footsteps. After a moment, her voice returned with an echo. “I’m in the bathroom. Tell me everything.”
“This can’t leak to anyone else at the office, okay? I’d die.”
“Of course not.”
“I know you don’t exactly like Charlie, so you probably won’t approve, but?—”
“Bess! If you’re telling me you’re finally getting some, I don’t even care. I’m happy for you. For all his faults, Charlie is hot and single. Hopefully not terrible in bed.” Her voice rose like it was a question.
“No! He’s… good. But I know we shouldn’t get involved. It’s a train wreck. I have a child. I have responsibilities. You know I’m not financially stable, right? I need to get my life on track before I can even dream about having a relationship with someone.”
“Is he after a relationship, though? We’re talking about Charlie here.”
“Um… he says so but?—”
