Page 88 of Feeling the Heat: Part Two
“That makes sense. Sharing a bed and sexual partner with someone you’ve been romantically and sexually interested in for years would be difficult for anyone.” Dr. Mike taps his chin and sits back. “I’ll be frank with you.”
“When are you not?” I ask with a snort.
A smile curves across his lips. “You need to sit down with Jackson and talk to him about it ahead of the heat. You’ve told me multiple times you want to be the best alpha for Camille during her heat, and there’s no way to do that while juggling your secret attraction to your packmate.”
Shit. “But what if it freaks him out, and he wants to leave?” Blood rushes in my ears at the mere thought of having that kind of conversation, my abandonment and rejection issues rearing their ugly head.
“Everything you’ve told me about Jackson indicates he won’t do that. And if he does, isn’t it better for it to happen before the heat has started so he can take time to process and your pack can negotiate a rotation for attending to your omega?”
Dammit, he’s right. Ambrose is going to be frustrated when he finds out he gave me the same advice as Dr. Mike, and I didn’t listen to it when it came from him. But that’s nothing compared to the cold, hard truth that avoiding this any longer is a mistake. That this might be even more of a challenge to my quest to be open with my emotions and needs. That I might ruin ten years of friendship by opening up.
I swallow hard. “Alright. I’ll talk to him.”
34
It’s Saturday night,and Ambrose is out on a date with our omega. Meanwhile, I’m stuck at home having the world’s most awkward game night with River.
Remind me to chew out the old alpha when he gets back, because this was a terrible idea.
When I asked River if he wanted to hang out and work on our farm again, I should’ve known from his less than enthusiastic yes that it wasn’t going to work. We’ve been sitting here for almost an hour, and it’sawful. No banter, no frustrated huffs, nothing. He stares at the screen, going about each day like an automaton, refusing to look at me while discomfort simmers on his end of the bond.
It’s not fair. I’m not the one who did something wrong. I’m not the one who left our pack and almost cost us our omega with my stubbornness and emotional constipation. So why is he being so fucking weird?
It takes me “accidentally” selling an important item we were saving three times before I break.
“Seriously?” I huff, turning to glare at River, who is seated as far away from me as he can get on our giant couch.
His brow scrunches, his head tilting in the way it always does when I’m not making sense to him. “What?”
I roll my eyes. “You know what, dude. Why did you agree to have a game night if you’re not even going to take this seriously?”
Yes, I know I’m being ridiculous, but I’m tired of him walking on eggshells around me. I was mad that he left, and I’m still mad, but I want my friend back. Not this overly polite version that lets me ruin our farm.
“I…I don’t understand.” His face falls, and he sets down his controller. “But I’m sorry for whatever I’m doing to upset you. We can stop playing if you want.”
The way he’s physically making himself smaller, his hip fused with the end of the couch even though I know sitting like that has got to be hurting his spine, pisses me off.
“No, I don’t want to stop playing! I want us tostartplaying.” He gives me a blank look that frustrates me even more, so I scoot closer to him, poking him in the chest with a jab of my finger. “Tell me I’m doing something wrong or being inefficient. Huff at me when I sell the wrong things. Get mad at me!”
My prodding is enough to make his alpha puff up in agitation, his posture stiffening as he scowls at me. “I don’t get it. I’m trying to be nice. You want me to get mad at you?”
My arms spread wide, and the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. “I want you to care!” The implied “about me” at the end of the sentence hangs heavy in the air between us.
River’s throat works. “I do care.”
“Well…then…act like it.” My agitation is deflating, and with that comes the awareness of how stressed and sad River’s end of the bond is.
Dolly’s gentle snoring is the only sound for a long, painful moment.
Shit, I’m being such a dick.
I open my mouth to apologize, but River speaks before I can. “Can’t believe you threw out that fish,” he grumbles, so quiet I take a moment to register what he’s said.
I release a bark of surprised laughter, a smile twisting my lips. “Oh yeah? Why? What’s so special about that fish?”
River lets out an overly dramatic sigh and pinches between his brows. “They’re impossible to catch at this level! We’re going to have to wait another year to get one, and that means we won’t be able to finish that bundle until then. What the hell, dude?”
He cups a hand in front of his mouth and leans in with a stage whisper. “Is that better?”
