Page 122 of Heartstruck at Dawn
He actually laughed and said, “You’d make a terrible actress.” He mocked me as my vision went red. “All this time you’ve been together, notoncehave you ever thought about me? Or missed me when I’ve been gone? Because I sure do missthehellout of you when I’m away. And I refuse to accept that it’s a one-sided feeling. It can’t be,” he insisted, his impossibly blue eyes now brewing up a concoction of pain and irritation—anger even.
Was he expecting me to answer those questions? It was best to assume they were rhetoric.
“You’ve never opened that box with my hoodie just to smell it? I’m sure you still have it.”
I had—more than a few times. I wasaddictedto his cologne.
“William, please, don’t do this.”
“I already know the answer to those questions because they’re the same as mine. That’s why I’m not going to insist you to answer them. I’m that sure,” he said, cupping my cheek for a couple of heartbeats. He then dropped his warm, almost flaming hand from my face and took half a step back.
“And I know I’ve been obsessed with your firsts even since I met you. I desperately wanted to be your firsteverything. You were a breath of fresh air. You sawme.And it was almost—intoxicating.
“And I sawyoutoo because you allowed me to. You opened up to me a couple of times about your mother. And I was so goddamn happy you’d chosenmeto talk about it. You made me feel special—truly seen.
“I held you in my arms that night, and I really didn’t want to let go. You trusted me … even then.” William grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him, his breath colliding against my face.
“I don’t care about your firsts anymore,” he said, almost happy—a realization. “All I care aboutnowis to be the last. And I’ll wait as long as you need until I get to be not only the one to claim your heart entirely but to be the last one to do it.”
William let out a charged breath through his mouth.
“I know I’m at least halfway there. And that’s the reason why I don’t give two fucks aboutNathan,” he so colorfully added. “The moment I start to care about him, I’ll lose you. So I’d rather be the bad guy.”
William’s hypnotic eyes stared back at me, and I knew I had to look away for my own good. But I couldn’t. I never could. Not once our gazes had locked in the way they were right now.
“I know you’ll do this on your own again. Sooner than you think,” he muttered, brushing my lower lip with his thumb—my breath colliding against it. “Isee you.”
I closed my eyes for an instant, remembering how I wrote that to him when I desperately tried to explain the kiss he saw with Thomas. When I wanted him to know how much I cared about him. But he shut me out by telling me what anawfulperson he was and how that would throw me off if I only knew.
I see you.
I saw him. Even then, I saw the real him and how great he was. He wanted to hide from me, but he couldn’t. And still, he pushed me away, set me aside, and it hurt like hell and back. But I could tell how sorry he was about what happened. And it only made things more difficult.
William’s breathing got deeper, and it made me open my eyes.
There had always been intense electricity between us. And I’d been trying to hide it all this time—to deny it. But I sucked at it when we were alone. I couldn’t hide from him either.
Caleb’s words came flashing back to me, and I kept hoping he was wrong—hehadto be.
But he wasn’t.
And at that moment, I knew that someone would get badly hurt for all of this. And I knew I wouldn’t get out of it unscathed.
I held on to his wrist while he brushed my lip and pulled his hand down. Not because I wanted him to stop doing it, but because it was the right thing to do.
“I want … to kiss you,” he whispered, his face coming dangerously closer to mine. “I miss your lips. How they feel, how they taste. I’veneverfelt the way I did when I kissed you last summer. I’m about to goinsane.”
I couldn’t stop imagining Nathan kissing or having this conversation with someone else.I’dgo insane. The thought of that happening made my stomach feel hot and hollow. But so did thinking about William doing so with someone else!
“I’m sorry.” I tried to look away again, unsuccessfully. He frowned, and I wanted to know everything he was thinking because I cared about his mind and his heart and his thoughts, although I could tell he was mostly frustrated.
What was I to do?
I wanted to uncrease his brow with my fingers, to pull the corners of his mouth upward, to see him happy! Because he deserved to be. And it killed me to admit that I was so torn.
A huge part of me wanted to be responsible for that happiness—but how? And what about Nathan?I love him!
It was in moments like these when William ripped his heart out and threw it at my feet that made me feel most protective about it. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it … but never like this. And I wished I could pick up his heart and give it back to him, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted me to keep it and rip mine out too and offer it back—to have us carry each other’s hearts.
